black hearts outline with love;

The line;

2010-06-12T23:37:00.009+08:00

I guess there's always been a line between acquaintance and friends, friends and best friends, best friends and more than just best friends. I never realised that the line between best friends and acquaintance could come so close too. I guess that best friends was a term that both of us established when we actually were, at that point of time, but I would like to liken friendship to an anti-virus software on the computer.

You always need to run checks on your computer to make sure everything's running alright, smoothly, un-virused. It doesnt mean that at a point in time where the virus scan says your computer is free of virus, there never will be virus attacking your software. Every now and then, maybe 2/3 months, checks must be run just to make sure that everything is okay, and when there's a virus, you look into the source and try to clear it up so your computer will continue to function well. The scenario is this, you havent ran updates/routine checks on your computer in about a year or more, and you know very well that there is a virus, you're just too lazy to update your virus software. You live with the notion that your computer will be fine, veiled with the facade that your computer is protected by the anti-virus, which by the way has failed you so you should think of another way to solve it. So eventually when your computer breaks down, you realise that you should've done something about it when you could, now its too late.

Another analagy to give about a slightly different but related incident is this: Friendship is like, Silver & Gold. Maybe you've heard they saying, maybe not, but there's one that goes "Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver the other, Gold" You know, in the past, Gold was highly sought after and people valued it a lot, now silver is the new trend and no one really wants to be caught wearing Gold around their necks, especially when one is young - that is, young, foolish and oh so predictable. Lets just pretend that Gold is worth a lot of money and Silver not so much, you can only keep one of the 2, you recently had a fetish for Silver, and even though Gold is supposedly worth more, you decide on the spur of the moment to sell the Gold away and keep the Silver. Maybe I'm petty, but how could you not tell me? Finding it our from someone else had got to be the most painful experience you could give me.

In a simplistic relation to common lingo, people summarise the above into one question, "If _____ and ______ were both trapped in a burning building and you could only save one, who would you save?" So think about it, who would you save? Cause sad to say, with the pent up hurt, I defintely would not save you.

The Triangle of Change.

2010-04-11T20:50:00.002+08:00

SORRY FOR THE LACK OF UPDATES!!!

But, now i'm baaaaaaack. Haha, dont you miss me? Not quite, whatever. ANYWAY, back to my life - not like i started, but - its been, well boring would be a not so nice way to put it, routined more like it. I've started settling down in CJ, and my life has assumed a more normal pace now, with trying to handle the workload, CCA and church, juggling everything so i still have time for friends. Wow, JC life really is hectic, whats more I'm only J1 and things already are crazy - madness - so i cant imagine life next year.

SO, yesterday i went to watch "As You Like It" by William Shakespear which was put up by the ACJC drama society or something I think, with Kevin. It was not too bad, I mean I guess thats cause I watch too many musicals etc. with my mom by the pros so to me it wasnt really good, but good for a school production I guess? The storyline was boring, but then again, shakespear, Iniki was acting though as an important character in the play, and Nicole was dancing, so that was pretty cool. The cast was trying really hard to have an English accent and most of them werent bad at all, accept this shepherd, oh gosh, he could not sound more chinese than the way he sounded yesterday. It kinda screwed the play up, cause like, his chinese accent was really bad, can you just imagine how he interacted with the other characters!? HAHA, but Kevin & I laughed over it anyway.

AND anyway, I was on the bus with Kevin and telling him that Colin's the only person I know who went to VJ and hasnt changed, the new J1s also havent yet, cause they just went there, but he pointed out that most people change in JC its just that you dont notice it yourself. Thats true, but I do hope I change for the better. I dont know if its me, but I feel like people around me are changing, and I dont know if thats good or bad. To me, you've become really short tempered lately, and less sensitive than you used to be, I dont know if this is just a phase thing or if its gonna last forever. I can never open my mouth to tell you, I just dont have the courage to do it, what if telling the truth means losing you? Then, I'd rather live with it. Sometimes I'd really like to know what you think too, cant you just tell me at that moment or something? I dont like finding out a few hours later, not knowing if the person you're talking about is me or not. I dont like playing games like these, cause honestly I dont have the time to do it anymore. Maybe its just me, but I feel like you're always telling me that I'm selfish and that I think the world revolves around me, but I really dont think the world revolves around me. Plus, no one else has been telling me that, just you, then I guess its good that one thing is a constant.

I dont know what to feel now. Upset? Angry? Or should I just let it go, let it pass. Pretend I dont care and just continue with life? I dont know, really. I'm tiring of guessing. I think you've changed, or maybe I have, so to the changed me you've changed, I dont know. Whatever it is, whichever way this goes, whoever has changed, there is a difference, I can feel it, but I'm not gonna let it defeat me, I just hope that you feel the same way too.

PRAGUE!!!!!!!!!

2010-03-17T18:06:00.002+08:00

Just finished watching the Jack Neo press conference thingy and I guess seeing people get torn apart is the worst part of all these scandals. As important it is, getting the news of this whole thing, I think reporting this to the whole wide world wouldnt be such a bad thing if not for all the reporters who take like 12380981023649786 pictures of Jack Neo and his wife. I mean like, seriously, why do you need so many pictures of them, if you wanna see their every action take a video! Yes, so its wrong to cheat on your spouse, but since its been done, cant the media leave them alone to settle it between themselves, its already so hard to handle why make things so much worse! Everyone makes mistakes in their lives, its just how serious your mistakes are, and who it affects. I think marriage requires alot of sacrifice and learning how to work around each other, if you divorce because of a scandal like this, it really shows how strong your marriage is. To catholics, what God has unified, man cannot divide. The same pricipal applies here, but I guess i really wont know how it feels like to be cheated on till i get married and the same thing happens to me - of course, hopefully not but - only then will i be able to fully understand the emotional trauma of this whole situation.

That aside, GUYS! I'm going to Prague tomorrow!!! Arent yall excited for me, its gonna be a totally awesome trip because the choir is so gonna win this competition :D WE CAN, WE MUST, WE WILL! Yup, for all those who dont know, i'm going to Prague with the CJ Choir for a Choral Competition. OH YES. Haha, and yes i did just join the choir about a month ago, and learnt 7 songs by heart, memorised with dynamics to go for an audition and made it through :D Haha, okay la i think i really got in on a fluke cause I was really under performing on the day of the auditions. But anyhoo, i'm going to Prague now, its turing into spring so it wont be as cold, by the time we land in Prague the estimated temperature there is about 10 degrees in the day and 5-7 @ night so thats not too bad, i'll survive. So yeah, see you guys in about 12 days!!!!!

Its the start;

2010-03-06T23:21:00.002+08:00

Sorry for the lack of updates! I've been really busy (and lazy) but now i've finally decided i should update my blog, that is, if anyone actually reads it.

So, school started about a month ago and well, life is tough, tiring & exhausting to say the least, we have piles of homework, suprise FAs and upcoming CAs. Its difficult, but i will persevere :D talking about change, i cant get used to having guys in school, i really wished there was an all girls JC, seriously. I mean, no offence, but i really cant get used to the more than usual swearing, and talks about like really sick stuff, like, gross can! I mean, dont talk about it in school la. Anyway, new school, new uniform, new environment, new friends. WOW. I cant exactly put to words how i'm feeling now, but i guess I'm okay with life now. and i'm lazy to continue blogging,

BYE

Rum & Raisin.

2010-01-16T11:27:00.002+08:00

HELLO PEOPLE :D okay, i guess you're expecting me to tell you how I did for my O's? Well, to say the least, badly. I mean, at least for me, its bad, and I'm extremely disappointed in the results that I received on the 11th. The reason for my disappointment is in the fact that I thought I studied hard, or at least hard enough for O's, but I guess I didnt. Dont tell me that its not bad, I know it is, dont tell me that its okay, because I know that its not, but what I do know is that things happen for a reason, and maybe God wants me to take this path, so be it. For me, I dont think I'll ever fully get over it, and sometimes even though I think that I've gotten over it, I havent, so give me awhile.

I'm glad that I dont feel bitter towards anyone about my results, and that is honestly what I want. To not feel bitter. In that way, God did answer my prayers as he always does. Well, now I'm going to CJ (if they accept me) and hopefully they do, because if I end up in Poly, I will go overseas to study. Dont get me wrong, I dont think Poly is a lesser option compared to JC, its just not what I want.

ANYWAY, moving on. TODAY, i'm going to bake my rum & raisin brownies to bring as desert to my Auntie's house cause we're celebrating Lionel's birthday and also cause everyone is here in Singapore so yup :D I cant wait! I need to think what to wear, ohhh so exciting! AND, CL starts next week, arent you all just SO excited, another year of learning, plus, I'm a cathechist now! I figured that I should give back to the church what the church gave to my at my confirmation and all the years of cathechism.

I SHOULD GO NOW! I need to bathe, and start baking in about 4 hours. HAHA :D but yes, baking. TA!

NEW YEAR :D

2010-01-02T20:47:00.002+08:00

OH WELL, even though I'm a day late, its still the new year with all things new. So, HAPPY NEW YEAR YALL!

Haha, i know its mean to rub it in but, I'VE GOT NO SCHOOL TILL 28TH JAN DUDES! So for those still going to school, sorry, but your time will come :) First, you have to get through O's before you can enjoy the extra month of holidays. I wonder what I can do for the first month, I KNOW, COOK & BAKE :D then i can, work out cause I know JC still has PFT, which is bad :(

So, the year 2009 has been eventful, so many things have changed. I've studied like I've never believed possible, and gone through breakdowns, fell sick all because of studying. The best advice I can give to the Sec4's of 2010, study hard but pace yourself. It feels good to accomplish O's and though I know its just a small stepping stone, this is the time you learn to deal with your first serving of stress.

Besides the past, looking to the future, I have new year resolutions (which i hopefully can actually stick to) :

1. Be optimistic

2. Study hard

3. Discount on the criticism/ BE NICE-R

4. Be someone whom people come to for help

5. Stay home to help out whenever I can

6. EXERCISE REGULARLY!

7. Not stray from God & keep Him in the centre of my life

and I'll think of the rest along the way. 7 is a little bit much to stick to if I really want to keep to these resolutions :D oh well, I'll come back soon. TA.

Deck the hols!

2009-12-22T14:22:00.002+08:00

OH LOOK, the holidays are coming to an end :D well at least thats for the school going secondary school people. And in a few weeks, our O level results are gonna come back and that shall decided our lives for the next 2/3 years, how exciting. Christmas is coming so soon and I cant wait to open my presents :D Wonder how the christmas eve supper is going to turn out like this year :D OH OH OH and i got a new dress, which looks alot like leopard prints, but IS NOT! its flowers, small ones:D and its super nice, cause my mom bought it for me :D yay! then yesterday I went out with my mom and bought new clothes and shoes :D awesome, I'm so ready for christmas haha.

Oh yes, you know best.

2009-12-14T22:44:00.002+08:00

Why is it each time you always think you're in the right? Why do you never give us a chance? I dont know what pleasure you have in torturing us, you report back like a lap dog you know, telling us, effectively labelling us sinners, offenders. Nothing we do is good enough, celeste clean your room, help me bake my cookies, my tarts, dont do this dont do that. You always use the "i'm older and I know more things than you do" but for once, can you trust me? Trust that I wont do the wrong things, trust that I can make the right decisions. You feed and grow on our weakness, and sometimes, I really want to shout in your face that we are not living in that conservative society anymore. People are more open, people do these kind of things and you, stuck in your mindset cannot adjust to it, so why then is it my fault? You always say you have my best interests at heart, but have you ever thought maybe this is the wrong way of doing things? That you have to learn to adapt since I have learnt to bear with all your stubborn, old ways?

I feel like screaming sometimes, feel like telling you I'm not a small girl anymore, but I dont. I respect you, but you dont, you think the worst of me, dont you? I have no idea why, does it give you more security by putting me down? One day, I wont be able to withstand your nagging, about the littlest of things that I really dont know why you want to be concerned with. One day. But for now, my tolerance will increase firstly because I just went for confession and secondly because I just want things to work, and i dont want to constantly have a grudge against you. Guess we all have our weaknesses, I'll try to look at it your way, let you have it your way, like the priest said, people cant change overnight.

D-day!

2009-12-03T16:14:00.002+08:00

TODAY, is the day that I clear out my room, and boy do i have tons of rubbish inside! On the happy way to clearing my room I found like lots of old stuff, might I tell you my English was terrible (still is actually, but) I used to spell leave as in when someone takes leave, as lift! like, what the hell right, take lift! So nonsense. okay, I found loads of other stuff, which was not cleared before so I'm throwing most stuff away, though I'm keeping the things like warm fuzzies or birthday letters etc. and of course, your letters are at the topmost drawer! Feel honoured. Oh oh, you know what, I spent about 3 hours clearing my room, and i'm not done yet, :( I'm tired laaaaa! haha, took a break, wanted to watch TV, but nothing good was on TV, so i'm down here again. gawsh, after I get off the com, I still have to finish clearing my room, AND after that, finish the Christmas presents that I've started on. WHOEVER GETS THE PRESENTS BETTER APPRECIATE IT! I'm not ever gonna do this again for Christmas presents, its toooooooooo time consuming :)

OH EM GEEEE, i feel like a stalker laaa! And if the fb stalker application is any good, damn it cause I'm definitely gonna come up on top :/ gawsh, embarrassing much! I hate not being able to talk to you, it really sucks, when the only other entertainment you have is cleaning your room, what the hell right! okay, come back safe and sound!

When hell freezes over -

2009-11-26T20:11:00.002+08:00

HELLO YOU GUYS! (or girls)

haha, i'm baaaaack. Oh yes, the beloved one is back in Singapore! For those who didnt know, I went to Beijing, China and it was freezing over there, compared to the sweltering heat back here! The grass is always greener on the other side huh, when I was in China, I couldnt wait to go back to Singapore because it was so freaking cold! AAAAANNNDDD, now I wish I was back in Beijing where - the pollution is so bad, it looks like its snowing -and the sun, though its bring never manages to make me break a single bead of perspiration on my face - or body, whatever. So yes, and I feel awfully bad for not buying anything for Lizzi and Iggy who wanted to come with Peter to the airport to pick me up when I landed, but ended up at my house instead, yeah, SORRY GUYS! I'll make it up to you! For Iggy, I can teach you the basics of keyboard/piano - though seriously, i'm not the best choice - and for Lizzi, gawsh, I dont know, how CAN I make it up to you?

ANYWAY, I havent posted since before O's so officially, O'S ARE OVERRRRRR! Yeah, I know its a little late, but its not too late to partayyyyyy! Tomorrow is the 4/2 party at Sentosa, and I shall go there and enjoy myself, hopefully get a tan (an even one) and hope more people decide to turn up because apparently only 8 people are going, and thats really quite sad! But its okay, 4/2 will make our own fun, how boring can it get :) AND, oh yes I went out today, watched A Christmas Carol and I guess it was alright, but not really the greatest movie I've seen, I wouldnt pay $8.50 again to watch it because its not worth it. Still havent watched 2012, and I'm dying to watch it!

OH OH, CHRISTMAS IS COMING, ALLELUIA! That reminds me, I've gotta make a list and go Christmas shopping because yeah, its coming :) and I need to start paying attention to the things people want for christmas so that I can try to get them that, and yes, I need to start running, I AM FAT. like really really, my stomach is HUGE, like super big can! I bet with the same amount of skin you can make a basket :( RUN CELESTE! okay, enough with the self-motivation. I should go do the church budget thingy for next year so that CL wont be broke for passion play, camp, caroling, etc. TAAAA

Eat, pray, love.

2009-10-10T10:17:00.002+08:00

I've decided not to study so early on a saturday morning, cause i just watched 90210, thats my break i guess, from the books and all. Now, due to mars' request, i shall post something about my life, and not those essays anymore, because blogs, as she says are for people to read and relax and not for people to go learn English all over. Fine, point taken.

O's are really nearing, and i guess for me I dont know if how much effort i'm putting in is enough or if i should really put in more. Sometimes I think that i'm not studying hard enough, and I constantly feel that I have to push myself to study harder, and I dont think its because I'm not studying hard enough, its because everyone is studying hard and my definition of studying hard has to change, because now, its pretty much the norm for most.

I dont know why, but the more people tell me that I can go to CJ and its really O.K. because CJ isnt that bad, the more i'm put off by it. Its almost like you're insinuating that i'm not smart, not bright, not good enough for another JC other than CJ. I'm not saying that CJ is a bad JC, and people tell you "CJ is like another IJ" but others have also told me that its nothing like IJ, and frankly, I dont want to end up there because I cant go anywhere else. If I decide to go to CJ, it will be because I chose to, and not because its a last resort. I have this feeling, that majority of my class dont want to go to CJ, but they are O.K. with ending up there, the thing is, they dont want to go there.

I dont know, maybe I just dont want to go to CJ because I want to prove something, that I'm smart enough to make it elsewhere. The only time going to CJ crossed my mind from the time I set my heart on VJ was when she told me she might want to go to CJ as well. It sort of got me thinking, that I might go to CJ if I had friends there, but I havent decided yet. Yes, I know, VJ. People have told me that I'll never make it in there, and deep down I know I wont make it there, even if I do get 6 points, because the cut off point is 3, and the least I can get is 4. Kinda sad huh, so I shall say with resignation, that CJ shall most probably be my school for the next 2 years.

Oh, and I know i'm bitter when i say this, but I really get annoyed when people who dont study score, honestly I think you dont deserve it a single bit. I know, I know, life isnt fair, but i'm just bitter y'know? I pray that God'll take this feeling away, I dont want to feel bitter the last time I see her, even if she cant be considered my friend, I'll call her an acquaintance.

A recap on English

2009-09-20T10:17:00.002+08:00

November 2004, Qn 1.

It is said that school uniform gives pupils a sense of identity and encourages good discipline. Do you agree?

Not fully. School uniforms are put in place as what most teachers would say, to maintain discipline and uniformity, as well as to make sure that each student feels he or she belongs to a certain institution. However, in this day and age, where modern technology has taken over the world and the teenagers or even children that have started schooling are not those innocent young beings we percieve them to be. This exposure that they have had will change much of the way they think and also would adversely affect having uniforms as a way to maintain good discipline.

Uniforms, I feel, curbs one's creativity, because what is so creative about getting up every morning and wearing the same boring uniform everyday? The Singapore government has constantly been talking about Singaporeans not having enough creativity, that we only know how to do what has directly been assigned to us, and that we do not think out of the box. Has it ever occured to you that wearing uniforms also curbs that creativeness in us? Donning that same uniform everyday for four, six or sometimes even ten years would make them bored of the uniform, which does not lead to what teachers say as maintaining discipline, but the exact opposite of it.

The creativity flows from teenagers when they start getting bored with what they have, and want to spice things up a little. Therein lies the problem, where uniforms are supposed to maintain uniformity, schools are having a hard time getting their students to wear the uniform properly. Yes, some may say "every fruit cake has some nuts" and every school has some students who are purposely defiant, who just want to bend the rules. The thing is, if rules like having a school uniform was abolished, students would not have the chance to be defiant, because they can choose exactly what they would like to wear. Agreed, this might cause more problems like students might come to school inappropriately dressed, but boundaries could be set up. Giving students more freedom of wearing what they do want to wear would be telling them that the school trusts them, and the number of problematic cases, i feel will decrease significantly.

Another thing good about not having uniforms and allowing students to wear whatever they like would also allow the school to further understand the child. When teenagers dress a certain way, deductions can be made about their background, about themselves and this would allow teaching to be carried out more to fit the students. For example, if a student is always dressed in black and red, perhaps something could be troubling him or her and that way, the school could better understand a child and maybe be able to figure out the reason he or she might not be performing in school, afterall, schools should bring out the best in students.

Even though school uniforms might give some students a sense of identity, before we can establish this sense of identity, I think it is important that students find their own identity first. The media has boggled their minds and teenagers lose sense of identity, they have been influenced to conform to the social norms of our society and this leads to them asking themselves, "why on earth am i here for?" or "what is the use of studying?" or even "why should i follow the rules?". After helping the student establish their identity, however, students will have a goal in life, which in turn, I think would contribute to their eventual discipline that they put themselves to.

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oh em gee, that essay sucks! haha, i should stick to personal recounts or like, narratives right! urgh, haha. oh well, i tried. okay, back to AMATH! or actually i'm gonna do history, make sure i know every single detail on Hitler :) even though i said i hate history, i'm gonna try my best to love it and do well for it! Nothing can be that bad, i'm just a student afterall :D tata guys, and study hard all of you!

Family Life

2009-09-05T19:36:00.002+08:00

As i sat in front of my laptop, doing my work intently I could not help but get distracted by the joyful noises of greeting, the asks of "how are you doing?" and the various topics of gossip that arose from within a few minutes of meeting. I never really thought much about family gatherings at my house every Saturday, taking it for granted that the joyous smiles, the aroma of home cooked food and the lively chatter that filled the house would always be there, a source of comfort from the big, wide world out there.

I have never believed in the saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder", but that, I sorely realised was because I never felt the absence of something that was so close to my heart before. The absences that I felt were short term, and though many times I tried so hard to make myself believe that this saying was true, through the absences of friends who go overseas, it never felt as great as what i felt when almost all my relatives left, migrated. The only cousins I had left were adults, and I only had one aunt and one uncle who came, now because everyone left, not so often. Dinners on Saturdays were quiet, hardly any of us conversed across the table, it was as if each of us were thinking the same thing, thinking of the past, when there had been some inexplainable joy of a huge family gathered together. My aunt and uncle came early, so we ate early, and quietly and they left early, it was almost as if my house had just become another one of the eateries one did not have a connection with. It was then that the empty aching feeling of loneliness came from what I never realised I had treasured so much till i lost, my family.

I have heard so many times, so many stories, from so many friends on how they dislike their family, and for lack of a better thing to say, I would complain about mine with them. Things like unreasonable parents, nosey relatives and insensitive siblings, but i realised that amidst all these things, are a group of people that I cannot live without. I would not go so far as to say that my family was perfect, I admit to every little flaw that could be found within each family, and if truth be told, I'm wondering how my extended family still functions with all the discord sowed. The gossips that I hear about my close relatives, the unforgiveness that some still hold against others, the indecision that has made families split up so they live across the globe, all these do not make my family perfect in the least. I feel that perfection in families comes from within, through all the quarrels, betrayals, gossips, this is the group of people that will follow you through your entire life lest you choose it not to be.

Due to a chain of expected or unexpected, I still dont know, turn of events though, the family that has been spread across the globe has been recalled under the simple spell, love. I think its amazing what a sickness can do to a family, just like how a huge natural disaster can do to the world, it makes everyone come together. I'm quite glad that the sickness happened, actually, because I cannot imagine, if the sickness didnt hit, when the next time would be that I would hear the lively chatter of relatives, relinquish in the juicy gossip shared when you put a group of Eurasians together, and see the wide spread of various dishes that fill the dinning table with endless clatter of cutlery.

The warmth that had nothing to do with being cramped at the overcrowded dinning table, engulfed me into a wave of thought, I would not trade my family for anything, even if you could give me the world, because I already have my world, the indestructable fortress that God has bestowed me, my family.

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okay, how's that for an essay?
right, I know i'm not supposed to be online & doing nonsense which is what i've been doing, so yeah. I think the essay has some inappropriate phrasings like the last line, I KNOW, "indestructable fortress", haha I couldnt think of anything else to replace that so that it still contains the same grandeur. Kay, I shall go practice physics, it always fails me.

Tata! oh, if you wanna give me feedback, just leave a message on the tagboard, i'd be more than happy!

HELLO WELLO

2009-08-01T11:14:00.002+08:00

omg, i just realised that the title was something mars would say. hello wello. HAHA. okay, anyway, apart from that, i realised my blog is super un-updated, but thats cause i've told myself i cant go online on weekdays cause i need to study, so yes. anyway, life's been great :) i love school, love church, love my friends, love my family, and so the list goes on. And i actually find joy in studying, or at least practicing Amaths, cause if i can do it, the feeling is like, WOW. cause yeah, if you dont already know, i got an F9 for midyears. worrying huh. yeap.

kay, its a lazy saturday morning, and i've adopted a lackadaisical attitude, okay not really. but i just wanted to use that word. HAHA. i'm trying to improve my vocab and i realise the only way is not only to read more, but to use the words i learn, THEN, my vocab would have really expanded. My vocab is really quite bad :/ need to work on that, and i cant get complacent about english, if i dont get at least an A2 for prelims, i ought to kill myself for not studying/practicing english enough cause, complacency ALWAYS gets the better of me. ALWAYS.

kay, it is imperative that i should get some studying done for this weekend. :) hope yall learnt some new words today too!

live or live without?

2009-06-20T21:00:00.002+08:00

i'm back here again, cause i know i need to solve this. No, i'm not going to write some post, venting out anything. I'm here cause i want this to be over. A few hours ago if you asked me if i wanted to solve this, i'd have said no, yesterday night if you asked me to be the one to start talking first to solve it, i wouldnt have done it without a grudge.

okay, i'm here to say sorry. no, not to you specifically, i mean yes its to you but i'll say sorry again another time. this is like a public apology so that people'll know that things will be settled, i'm sorry if the things that i've said about you werent all true. Like that the BBQs that you've been to werent "not compulsory" well, they werent, but okay i totally neglected the fact that you had a duty/position to uphold and i'm sorry. and i'm sorry it feels like i'm making life difficult for you, i'm really sorry, i'm sorry for overlooking the fact that we all dont have the same passion for CL, and i'm sorry for assuming you did.

and you know what, i dont know why i'm always finding fault with you, i really dont know why. colin pointed out that it might be because i expect alot from people, especially from you. I've always seen you as a really great person, as in like wow, cause you're good at studies, sports, and you've got leadership and fun to be with and all. And so i took that you had the same great passion that you had for CL in the past, but i guess things change especially since you've gone to VJ and all. so i'm sorry for assuming all of that, we all have different things that matter more than others. I think its cause i love CL so much i expect people to be the same, i'm sorry, i know i cant just expect people to have the same passion i do for CL.

and you know, i'm gonna be frank now. i was complaining to colin last night about how i was annoyed cause you didnt book the room and you havent been booking it for the past 6 months or so. but okay, i dont know for sure you didnt book it in the beginning of the year, but the bulk of the time you havent been booking it right? so i was annoyed. I was even more annoyed that you didnt say sorry or sound sorry or if you did say sorry, i'm sorry i must have missed it. but yeah. No, its not your fault, colin's right, we got to take this as a whole exco, and its our duty. So we stand together as one exco :)

i'm sorry for being such a hard to deal with friend. I read your blogpost, and it kinda gave me some wake up call. before that, when colin/rachel asked me if i wanted to lose you as a friend of course i'd tell them no, but deep down i didnt really care. but now, i realise that we shouldnt not be good friends because of this stupid thing. I'm sorry kay? I hope you can not be angry/annoyed with me :)

do you feel it too.

2009-06-19T22:09:00.002+08:00

its coming, back that aching, sickening feeling. the one that i've been trying to run away since forever, and i dont know why. I'm using the things that happen around me as an excuse for this feeling coming back, but i keep telling myself that its a fact and its okay that this feeling comes back. I dont know, maybe i am using the things around me as excuses far too often.

do you feel it too, i sort of sensed it sometimes, i dont know if i'm right. but it'd be nice to know someone felt the same way as i do. its the same feeling that i had at feast day, its coming back. its not like i want it to, but it kills me. okay no wait, whats worst is, it doesnt kill me inside anymore, it doesnt make me want to cry cause i'm hurting, the worst of all is, i dont feel like i dont want it here, now, i absolutely do not care what this is bringing me into, what this'll do to me. I just feel it, and i like it. I dont know how to stop, i want to want to stop, but i dont. at least, not now.

when it hurts.

2009-05-25T18:40:00.003+08:00

heya all you people, its been sometime since i last blogged hasnt it? yeah, well the results i got back werent very good, honestly. I was kinda disappointed and all, but i guess i cant do much about it other than work even harder towards prelims/O'levels. So yes. You'll be seeing very little of me online(i hope) and going out and all that.

The hols are coming, i'm going to step down from being a student conductor and handing it over to someone, no matter who that person is, whom i think is alot more capable than me, and who can lead the choir very well. Actually i dont think i've been a good student conductor at all, but i guess whats past is past and all i can do is move on with life. The june hols also means, CL CAMP! OHHHHH, i cant wait! Seriously. I hope it'll be fun! and that people from CL will learn something from the sessions & spirituals that the exco has done for them:D Oh man, the june hols also means, chinese O's. 1st june actually, which is effectively uh, 7 days from today! I know all you people, yes, its a week from now. NEXT MONDAY DUDES! for all you people who think you have alot of time, THINK AGAIN! haha, anyway.

kay, so today i went for Peter's grandfathers' funeral and omg, lizzi and i were late cause when we were on the 72 bus, the driver drove SO SLOWLY and i kept complaining, which annoyed lizzi. HAHA, sorry! but like seriously la, the bus was so slow that we were late! for the funeral mass! yeah, and so we went in late, and after the mass ended, went home. Oh yeah, and i went for the wake on sunday, & i realise i dont know what to do at wakes, i dont know how to phrase i'm sorry. which is bad. do i say like my deepest condolences or something? i dont know, i felt so, inadequate there cause i didnt know what to do, but yeah.

SO, now i shall go bathe, watch 90210, perhaps study a little maybe? I dont know, see what suits my mood!

exhausted.

2009-05-08T22:57:00.002+08:00

hey all, i'm feeling in a reflective mood today, so i shall blog about the days events, cause today was rather, eventful.

so i start my day with studying at the AMK library with lizzi and mars, which was pretty fun :D okay, i was productive, but would have been more productive if we had laughed less for all the stupid things we were doing in the library and wasting like, what half an hour doing nonsense. haha, but it was alright i guess, i finished up the chapter on forces and started on work, energy, power which i finished as well. okay, now that sounds pathetic, but i finished the physics workout okay! and it was really quite difficult, cause there are somethings that i didnt understand.

so, after that lunch. AND I ATE FRIED WANTON! and its a friday :( i totally forgot that i couldnt eat meat. oh well. okay, went to popular to get some stationary and then it was back to the library to study again, all the way till 6pm. so we had about an effective 6 hours of studying :) wow, we all better score for physics with all the effort that we've put in. haha, missed mass cause i was wearing shorts anyway. so yeah. went for CL & had rosary so yes. went for dinner at ST and now, i'm here, at home.

i think my reflectiveness is wearing off bit by bit. sigh, it was really an eventful day. Its bugging me you know, at the back of my head, nagging at me to do something, but i dont know what. i mean, i always knew that change was the only constant in life, and that people change with the environment around them to fit in, but i also thought i knew that you'd be stronger than that. A person with a strong character wouldnt change so they could entirely become another person, a person with strong character is someone like calpurnia, who leads a double life because she knows how to act like what so she'll fit in. Now i know what people mean by, you can tell apart an IJ girl, cause i cant identify you anymore.

You know, i've thought about it. About if i was being petty about this whole thing, making it bigger than it should be, blowing it out of proportion. But i dont think i am, i really dont think so. How about this, you be the judge, i'll retell this story now, and you tell me if i'm being petty okay? Cause if i am, i really wanna know, i wouldnt want to wrong people & be all annoying & stuff. Okay, here's the thing:

PersonA is in the committee right, and PersonA comes late for meetings almost all the time because PersonA has CCA/ECA of PersonA's own. Okay, i understand that, what can be done right, school commitments. Then PersonA skips 2 meetings in the beginning of the year because of a school "function" which wasnt compulsory cause it was like, a party. Okay, that pissed me off a little but i just let it be. During a practices for this skit that we put up, PersonA doesnt come for some because PersonA is studying for a test, i'm screaming in my head, you dont even have O's! So i got pissed, but again, just let it be. Whats more, when PersonA meets up with me to plan for camp PersonA complains that its the 2nd public holiday of the year that PersonA couldnt go out. Like, hello! So today, PersonA decides to go for a school concert which PersonB specifically told PersonA not to go for 2 weeks ago, and PersonB told me this afternoon. So i got pissed & annoyed with PersonA. THEN, PersonA shows up at meeting, being very irritable because PersonB told PersonA that i was annoyed/pissed at PersonA and so throughout the whole meeting PersonA doesnt talk to me & says very loudly that PersonA is annoyed.

this is what i say okay, i'm annoyed & irritated by PersonA, i truly am. AND i'm not apologising because i dont see a reason to, i'm not being stubborn but is it my fault? Give me a reason to apologise? For what, expecting PersonA to come ontime, to turn up for meetings & stop complaining that PersonA doesnt have time to study when PersonA has all the time in the world to go out? Is it too much to expect? Really? Everyone says O's are no big deal, but look, IF you had O's it'll be a damn big deal okay, and if people WITH O's this year can make it a point to carry out our duties, for some strange reason, i cannot see why you fail to do so.

Okay, sorry. I should be a good catholic right, and not hold grudges & all. Since, thats what IJ girls are supposed to do, not hold grudges, be nice, because we are set apart from the rest. So yes people, please do give my your opinions on my tagboard, it'd be really appreciated, thanks!

EXAMS!

2009-05-05T23:15:00.000+08:00

you know, its like, THE midyears, like THE ONLY ONE BEFORE PRELIM, AND I'M TOTALLY NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE ONLINE AND BLOGGING BUT I AM. this is bad, this is reaaall bad. i mean, i dont even know the format for history cause its SBQ and i totally didnt study for it. i mean, psh, its SBQ, study what, the LORMS? well, yeah i guess you could do that, but yeah. I was practicing Amath today, with lizzi & rachael at the esplanade library. I wasnt very productive today, i mean, i finished a math paper & all, but thats quite little right, plus i had help from lizzi & rachael, so yeah, that doesnt count.

anyway, i'm not that scared for history, but i'm super scared for Amath, cause like, my math isnt that great la, and i'll be so screwed if i dont pass. i'm actually aiming like a, below 20 points for Midyears which is kinda pathetic if you think about it, since i do wanna get 6 points for O's and like, i need to get at most a third of my score now. wow celeste, you better work damn hard.

OKAY GUYS, i should go to sleep EVEN THOUGH my history paper starts at 11.30 so all you people taking GEOG, thanks for waking up early so that we can sleep in! :D yeah, i wanna sleep. NIGHT!

sleeping with the lights on-

2009-03-19T23:24:00.002+08:00

yoo dudes, i'm actually blogging now because i've just (okay, not so just maybe about 45 minutes ago) finished my dinner, which makes it like, 10.45 thereabout? and technically it wasnt dinner cause i ate my dinner, which was 6" subway club on hearty italian w/ lettuce and onions (OHHH YUMMYY!) as veggies and honey mustard and chipotle southwest, during chem tuition. I downed the whole thing in like, 15 minutes at most i think? Is that bad? I know you're supposed to eat slowly, but that was slow, wasnt that? But anyway, that aside, my point is i ate (and finished) the dinner left overs at my house! Which was french beans with meat & tofu like 1 bowl of that & minced meat with tung hoon (which normal people call glass noodles if i'm not wrong) but the minced meat with tung hoon was really little kay! like it was only 2 mouthfuls! To sum everything up there all up, i conclude that i'm a pig. NOT that i want ANYONE to REMIND me, but yes. I ate hell alot la! take special note that i finished everything i ate today. geeezz.

okay, rewind back to the start of the day. I woke up at 5 plus cause of the rain & its strange cause the rain never ever wakes me up, so i was wondering why i woke up. It was almost as if i had a bad dream or something. Yeah, so i went back to sleep, got up at about 6.20 cause my dad wanted to leave the house by 7 latest (he needed to go to work). packed my choir stuff & chem tuition stuff, ate banana/walnut loaf with shaved ham for breakfast, OMG THE BANANA/WALNUT LOAF IS SUPER DUPER NICE PLEASE! Yes, so i went to school (in my dad's borrowed car from the car company cause my dad's car is at repair) reached at like, 7.15am? and thought that was pretty early, though it didnt suprise me when i walked into the PAR (performing arts room) and there were already at least 10 of them there. So yeah, tried to bond with the other choir members today, sat around till it was 7.45am with annemarie, sarah, cassandra & nicole talking about random stuff. Like how Dr. Maha made them go to fullerton hotel at like 6am to watch the sunrise cause it'd help them better understand a poem or something. HAHA. so yeah. Had pt, ladi da, choir was good today, phew. Ms Tham said at the end of practice "this was a good practice" like, i totally heaved a sigh of relief, seriously. I was so scared today'd turn out like wednesday! Guess, starting with a prayer works wonders :) and so did the self discipline talk thingo.

so i had carrot cake for lunch, and lipton tea smoothie. Went for lunch with rebecca, aurielle, mervelle, eugenia & nat. (which reminds me, nat still owes me a secret!) had a good time talking to them (OMG REBECCA, SCANDALOUS MUCH!) and playing with aurielle's iphone or itouch! yes she has both, that rich kid! Had sectionals after lunch, played a game with choir to test how much they listen & think before singing. Evidently, most of them dont think before they sing, and that kinda pissed me off (sorry God, i know its my lenten sacrifice!). I'm not talking about just choir memebers, but section leaders, wake up guys! You are role models, dont you think you should be a little more serious about this, the fact that you cant sing a chomatic scale right says alot about you alright, and. its. not. funny. not. at. all. Especially since we're so close to SYF. No more play please? At least not until SYF is over. Please? Take it as i'm begging you, cause i dont wanna argue, its my lenten sacrifice, i'm being nice about it (or at least i think i'm being nice).

Okay, after choir i went to lissa's house for chem tuition & i asked annemarie to follow me so we could walk in together. Bought subway for dinner as explained above, and then took a train to YCK mrt where we saw this long queue of people waiting for a bus, which we hoped wasnt 70, and it wasnt! but the thing is, 70 was there when we saw the bus so we ran for the bus and annemarie fell! I feel kinda responsibe for it, cause if i didnt ask her to follow me, she would have taken the nimbus & she wouldnt have ran for the 70 & hence wouldnt have fell, scraped both her knees which was bleeding quite badly she could hardly walk without wincing. SORRY ANNEMARIE!!!!!! so yeap, finished tuition, walked back with lizzi, talked to her on the way home on the phone & whala, i'm here after my bath :) okay i should go to sleep now cause i'm going to borders in the morning with lizzi to check out the books on sale, then going to study at starbucks before exco meeting in church & then CL. Ending off the holiday week with mass at 8 :) i hope all goes well tomorrow. thank you God for giving me this great day, and i hope for the days to come, whatever happens, that i'll be happy :)

boredom.

2009-03-18T18:09:00.002+08:00

omg, i'm so bored today. like, seriously. okay so i got up at about what, 6.30 cause of i have no idea what, maybe it was instinct. I was just up so i checked my phone, replied messages, went back to bed and drifted in and out of sleep for the next 4 hours till i officially got out of bed, brushed up, went downstairs to scout the kitchen for something to do. Like, help where i was needed, but i wasnt needed so i went to bathe. Marc was at home today cause he was sick, but matthew went to school for band. So yes, after my bath, i felt so much more refreshed and decided that i should start on my holiday homework :)

So i took down my chem file and all my other holiday homework (Emath, Amath, Physics papers) to do. And i finished 2 chem papers (okay, techincally its 1 cause the acid, bases, salts topic isnt considered a paper is it?), 1 Emath paper, and 1 physics paper :) yay me. I cooked my own lunch today cause i didnt wanna eat a boring lunch. Made potatoe salad :) and i'm so proud of my creation. haha. ate lunch, went back to studying. officially ended my whole studying thingy at 4! wow, and now i'm here on the com, feeling bored. and no i'm not going back to studying cause i just got away from it. i'm thinking of making potatoe salad for dinner cause i have tuition at lissa's at uh, 7.30 or is it 7? OH SHOOTS. IF ITS 7 I'M GONNA BE LATE!

okay, i'm gonna check with her like now, so gonna abandon you guys, byeo.

oh yes, i forgot to mention, peter & joshua went to KL with the band for some exchange, hope they'll be alright :) be safe guys!

beh-reh, brave.

2009-02-22T18:38:00.002+08:00

you know, if you ask joshua, i told him i was totally gonna blog about how he has never ever bought me a present since i knew him, for my birthday OR christmas. BUT, i realised that i dont really care, presents dont make up a relationship. I was totally thinking last night, what kind of bestfriend are you, but after some thought, it doesnt bother me anymore. & i dont care if you dont ever buy me a present la, dont stress yourself over it. HAHA. such a stupid thing to get annoyed over huh. sorry.

besides that, went to aunty brenda's house last night, choristers reunion! wow, we sang so many old songs and like, wow. i think we sang like, more than 20 songs la. all off hand, from memory! we are so totally good. i kinda miss the days that we were in primary school and choir practice meant miss lim in all her humor :) loved those days, when we could not study and still score for PSLE. not pay attention in class and still be able to do all the math questions that our teachers set, when guys were disgusting & we made so much fun of them amongst ourselves, when the end of school bell rang, how we'd rush down just so we could get a good seat in the school bus! ah, nostalgia. haha.

went to church today, wore the same skirt i wore yesterday for my bros's pop (OH YES, FORGOT TO TALK ABOUT THAT!) & the choristers reunion. okay, rewind to my bros's pop. we went there at like, 3.45? and sat there reading my book till the parade began, for those who dont know what pop is, its "passing out parade" you know, the time where all the guys show signs of weakness and start to fain randomly. haha, kidding. its some ceremony that you go through to show you've graduated the junior band i think. but anyway. so yeah, they came marching out, actually when they marched as a whole, it didnt look that bad, but when people started to march alone up the stage to recieve awards, wow. epitome of gayness i swear. some of them cant march to save their lives, and they all saluted without their barre, or however you spell it, which my dad says you werent supposed to do. AND, they're salutes were so lembeh or soft you'd call it. haha, but okay la, some guys were not so gay, though majority were. haha.

yes, today tennis was cancelled cause it was raining, and according to gabriel, who so desperately wants to play, its the third week in a row we're not playing. aw. haha. and i should be studying for chem cause i have a test tomorrow. okay i shall. ciao people.

SAC!!!

2009-02-08T20:05:00.002+08:00

OMG, i ABSOLUTELY LOVE 4/2 and our self-awareness camp la! it was totally awesome. I should be so grateful for everything that i have now, hearing everyone else's problem, i dont have any problems la. like, wth. Got to know some people better, and i really hope the class stays this bonded throughout the rest of the year, and hopefully once we grow up, we'll still have contact with each other :)

AND AND, i have to thank Jia Her for lending me her towel cause i forgot to bring mine :/ and she had an extra one! thanks :) AND, the people who stayed up late at night till like 2am to discuss about ourselves and got to know each other better. It was like, good bonding session :D
Went to Island creamery after camp (which ended on saturday, noon) with a bunch of 4/2 girls & we were totally camwhores. and we stuck a picture of us on the wall there! HAHA.

came back, then at night i went to aunty brenda's house (which is so huge i tell you) for a cny party and aunty brenda wanted us (ex-ij choristers) to sing for her son's wedding! like, OH EM GEE right, and its the song that our favourite group from sydney sang. Ave Maria. that song is super duper nice i tell you! But yeah, see how la huh, O's this year and all. so many common tests to study for, speaking of which i should go study SS now, ciao people.

fast.

2009-01-09T20:30:00.002+08:00

you know, we live in such a fast paced world that we hardly have time for so many things that matter so much. things happen so fast, things change so fast, things like, your mind. but you know what, it'd be weird if it happened i guess, and God probably wants me to be focused on O's this year.

speaking of which, i dont know why, but i have this sudden liking for chocolate, as in like, i just always wanna eat chocolate, its weird. okay. maybe because my craving for it is so great, i should like, abstain from chocolate. and i especially love hershey's chocolate kisses. i love every kind of hershey chocolate kisses there are.

All things bright and beautiful;

2009-01-03T17:46:00.002+08:00

everyone's talking about you know, its a new year, time for new beginnings and stuff, and you know what, i've gotten a few suprises for the new year too. pleasent suprises i guess, which i dont know will turn out to eventually become what, but still. haha, i was shocked to say the least when i heard it, but damn was i relieved. truth is, i've wanted to hear that from you for the longest time :) haha.

Apart from that, i've decided to study hard this year, O's are scarily close by and no time for playing! I'm sitting right in front of the class with lizzi now (sorry jessica!) unless ms puja decides to change our seating arrangement. but oh well, first day of school was good, i like being back in school actually. doing homework, studying keeps my brain working, and keeps me from feeling that i'm useless or something. At least when i'm studying, i'm doing something productive! Oh yes.

I'm going to some family friend's house for dinner later, and i'm so totally going cause of the onde onde if thats how you spell it, that aunty teresa makes, oh, its so yummy. OMG, i'm such a pig! i'm going there for food, but whatever. I'm gonna start running from monday onwards in the mornings before school starts so that i'll be healthy and fit again (not that i ever was, but). maybe lose some of my excess weight that i've put on during the december hols with all the yummilicious food that my grandmama cooks. OH, and chinese new year too! okay celeste, you better start running!

AND, i should go now, wash up to go out :D

2008-12-30T23:46:00.002+08:00

maybe God really gave me the best of both worlds, i guess i should be grateful for it, this year has been one hell of a year. So many ups and downs, and not just for me either, for people around me, i've been depressed, i've been elated and i've loved, i've been hurt. I guess thats all part of life and uh, time to move on people. New year, with new things. I realised that its not good to dwell on things :)

I've finally realised i cant do everything i want, and i cant take up too many responsibilities cause i just cant commit, i have to disappoint some people in order to be able to please the rest, and oh well, things this year have really been, to say the least eye opening and i'm glad. So many things have happened, i never knew i'd end the year on this note, but i did.

as for having the best of both worlds? I have a girl bestfriend, LIZZI THE AWESOME! and a guy bestfriend JOSHUA!! and i guess i get to see/hear a guy's perspective of things alot, it helps you know, it really does. they are 2 very very different people, whom i never ever thought would eventually end up as my bestfriends, lizzi because i used to admire her alot, i practically hero worshipped her (i'm serious!). She was like, the IT girl kinda thing, and i never thought that she would one day end up as my bestfriend :) love that girl, always will! And joshua cause, ACTUALLY, ahem, i thought he looked kinda cute and you know, when he started talking to me on friendster i was like omg right. but then the friendship became something more & wala, bestfriend too :)

well, i'm glad really. then there's colin & jaime! colin's probably the only person i cant get angry at & stay angry at. He's hilarious, and i never seem to be able to get angry at him! He, from a total stranger to me, became one of my closest friends. i used to have a crush on him :/ i know right! and i dont know, guess that we started talking and now look where we are:) jaime on the other hand is like, THE brain. she makes so much sense when i just cant see it, and she's so comforting towards others & nice. she's always been there for me, even though sometimes i'm not there for her :)

and lissa & mars! they are the funniest people on earth! seriously, even though i havent been talking to them much during the hols, and we've been through so much together :) they can turn the weirdest things into jokes, and sometimes you just gotta hand it to them, they make you smile :)

steph! she's probably the only friend that i've never had a quarrel with, which i really think is amazing. i mean, how many times do you make a friend whom you dont ever quarrel with!

okay i gotta go, joshua's chasing me off. BYE!

this much.

2008-12-23T21:25:00.015+08:00

"Sometimes in our lives, we all have pain,

we all have sorrow,

but, if are wise,

we all know that, there's always tomorrow"

If you're here to check if i'm okay or not, i'm fine, i promise. There isnt anything i can do about it can i? I guess things like this happen, and its good for growth! You're wondering why i'm so positive about it? Well, i had a reaction, yes i was sad/hurt/whatever, but i have a choice to continue feeling hurt/sad or to look at the brighter side of things and i guess i'll just look at the brighter side, its probably gonna take some time to make me forget things, but i'll try :)

I've thought about things, and i think what jaime told me makes perfect sense, she said if i dont ever feel sad in my life, i'll never know what happiness is, and yeah. If you've never been sad, how'd you know how to be happy? yeap, i'm not angry at you, not pissed or anything, things like this happen, i know. I just didnt know it'd happen to me. Ah well. Maybe God planned this, there is a brighter side to things.

I'm happy and jumping now :) nothing wrong with me, absolutely nothing! AND i just cut my hair, now its lighter, and i like it! I mean, its not like, short short like jaime's/lizzi's but just shorter than last time. OH YES, rehearsal today was great. Had it at MDC and we had our phones confiscated cause it was an army camp, just cause our phones had cameras. Its so retarded la please. Like i'd wanna steal any of their information! But anyway, omg, we're paired up with 4 guys for the musical, and my partner looks kinda cute, really! But, when linnette comes then my partner wont be cute anymore :( cause we have to change partners, why cant i be taller! haha, anyway.

CHRISTMAS IS COMING, ALLELUIA! presents and stuff for everyone! I'm still contemplating on your birthday gift, it totally implies something, which is bad so maybe i'll just forget about it. Give it to someone else. tomorrow is christmas eve! my relatives will all be over and its gonna be awesome! yay! curry devil. mhmm AND mutton curry. totally awesome yooo! love the food, year after year, i'm gonna be a stuffed turkey or something keep eating. haha. OKAY, i really need to go now, before its too late to bathe, BYE!!

and counting.

2008-12-18T11:46:00.003+08:00

omg, tomorrow's the choir concert! i know right, thats really fast, which makes today the last rehearsal/sound check. *gasp* i hope we dont screw up :/ when we tried singing with the pipe organ yesterday we didnt sound too bad, but that was only cause the pipe organ was soft, so can you imagine how much louder its gonna be tomorrow! okay. Now i'm going to bathe, change and practice the pieces if not i'll screw up totally.

i'm still counting you know, 2 more days and they'll be back about 49 hours from now, about there. i miss them like crazy! Oh yeah, one more thing about the concert, we havent memorised our scores yet so we have to hold onto files which are actually not heavy on its own, but is so freaking heavy once you add in all 9 scores, some of which are so thick cause its a booklet. AND we have to hold the file up for a pretty long time in the "proper" position which makes it 1283461983140928364092764 times worst. we tried that out yesterday, and my shoulders and my neck was aching like, whoo. i'm developing muscles i tell you, on my left arm! But okay, its like totally reliving my palm tree days i tell you! holding the awfully heavy palm trees leaves pretending to be a palm tree, like standing there for the LONGEST time with my arms up, and DANCING with it. tiring. but i miss those days, promenade.

speaking of which, i saw the promenade stage manager, i forgot her name, but like the main stage manager, the one in charge of the promenade one. Saw her at the esplanade when we were given our break, i walked off stage then i saw this woman who was staring at me and smiling and i was thinking to myself "she looks familiar, do i know her?" then she talked to me and was like "wow, you lost alot of weight!" and being me, i totally do not give a response to that question but ask her "do i know you? you look familiar." and she told me from promenade, and yeah well we were talking for awhile. Such a coincidence huh! Okay, i reaaally should get changed and bathed now. till next time!

home.

2008-12-17T12:52:00.002+08:00

when you said "i'm not sure" you have no idea what kind of panic that brought me to, i was so scared, so worried that you're gonna tell me that its gone, and that its over. I dont know, i'm praying that its not. I mean, you said it wouldnt, right? Please be right. I dont know what i'd do if its all, over.

Besides that, i have to go bathe and change to get ready for choir. we're going to the esplanade! exciting isnt it. haha, and we're not gonna be fed, not really anyway. They're just gonna give us finger food, and like practice is from about 4 all the way to 10.30 at night, i know, thats really long. But guess what, concert is on friday and we cant afford to slack at all. No way. You know whats different about the concert this time? We arent singing acapella, we're singing with a pipe organ! yeap, those huge things that you see in scary shows which make the loud sounds, with that. Cool huh. the only hard thing is to deal with how loud the choir is gonna be, cause the pipe organ is gonna be pretty loud.

Its 3 more days excluding today till the cambodia people come back! And i'm going to pick them up from the air port with TESSA! she better not bail out on me, i'd kill her. Cant wait till they're back, i feel so lonely in singapore :( at least i still have joshua, but he's always so busy i hardly talk to him too, he's probably the only person who'd sit there on the other end of the phone line and listen to me ramble on about how i miss everyone and how i wish they were back. without much complain. thanks jlowe :)

i should probably go get bathe and changed for choir soon or like now actually and leave early so i wont be late. Can you imagine if i'm late! yes i can, and its reeeeeeeeeally not gonna be a pretty sight to behold. tata!

still.

2008-12-16T21:35:00.002+08:00

i still miss them. they're coming back in another, 4 days. wow thats long. i keep checking their blogs, till i realise they're not here, golly what an idiot i am. urgh. please please come back home soon, i miss you guys too much!

that aside, i woke up today at about 9 and helped my grandmother weigh the ingredients for her cashew nut cookies cause she said my brothers werent much help and the more they help, the more work there is for her to clean up after them, geez. haha, yeap. Then i had my lunch at home and my dad sent me to *scape park studio where i had my first ever rehearsal for the musical! It was pretty good, except the fact that i didnt know anyone there and everyone else seemed to know everyone. Okay fine, so i know uncle wenfu and jon, but i didnt know any actors/ singers unless you count face recognition. and plus, i only recognised kit chan, didnt know anyone else. I know right, its like, kit chan. I didnt know it was her, i only found her familliar, till jon said "and kit..." then yeah, kinda sorta realised.

there were soooo many amazing singers who make me sound terrible, i promise. they're just soo good, you have no idea. and there's this jazz singer, sara i think. wow, she has an amazing voice like no other and she plays the piano/electone too! so she can play and sing, she just makes up her own chords, amazing! rehearsal was supposed to start at 1, but only officially started at 1.30 and it ended at about 4. So i hung around orchard, bought somemore presents for people and then headed home. Ate like instant mee goreng and the dishes from lunch then walked to church. I was late, but like there were people who were later, so yeah. they didnt start caroling yet.

Its so amazing that we're gonna carol on saturday and people still dont know their parts and stuff. I really dont know whats gonna happen on saturday, and i really dont know whats gonna happen on friday in fact! but anyway, i hope that rehearsal is good on friday so that by saturday we sound fantastic for a choir who has absolutely no basic vocal/muscial training, some of which are tone deaf, or sing like they are(haha, sorry). I hope everything goes fine and that on saturday we'll sing our hearts out :) and lets pray that the people in cambodia come back safely shall we?

here or there.

2008-12-15T20:08:00.002+08:00

you have no idea how good it was to hear from you. i seriously miss yall in cambodia, and i just cant wait till the day you guys are all back from cambodia. I know, its been like what? a day, and yeah, its about 4 more days till you guys are back, i know, dont think about it and time will pass right, but it doesnt! and hearing from you made me miss you all the more :( man, this sucks. ah well. at least i'm gonna pick them up from the airport with TESSA! like, OMG right, its been ages since i've seen/talked to her so yeah, i get to spend a few hours with her :) awesome.

I still got a whole lot of presents to wrap up and some presents which i havent bought, and i havent done up the board my mommy wants me to do up for my dad's party. Gee, better start soon before i die with work overload. Oh yeah, and i have to practice for the concert on friday, oh no. Better start practicing, what if we screw up on stage! golly no :/

silence.

2008-12-14T23:29:00.002+08:00

hey ho, i'm posting, yes again. AMAZING yes, i know. I mean now that so many of them have gone to cambodia, i'm pretty much left alone here, and its sad :( i miss all of them so much, and i've just realised that you really dont know how much you have till its all gone. I feel so different, and vulnerable, kinda. Like, where's lizzi & colin & lissa & mars & lennard & dyl & sanch! like, wth, they're all gone. and jaime's leaving tomorrow, which isnt much consellation really, 1 more day. sigh.

next week is gonna be packed to the max, because of choir, and baking cookies with my grandmother, and rehearsal for the musical thingy and checking out the prices for reindeer ears for CL caroling, NOT forgetting CL caroling and lightup rehearsal which i just realised i have to miss because my choir rehearsal ends at 10, oh darn. better tell debbie before she blows at me.

And, i havent finished buying presents for people, which is bad, seeing as i have absolutely no time for anything, and i have to buy a gift for the gift exchange for CL on the last day of caroling, like omg right! and then i can just imagine caroling on friday when i'm not there, wonder how it'll turn out. i really hope they can put it some effort and pull it all together, we dont sound THAT bad, but we will if no one bothers at all, and thats gonna reflect pretty badly on CL, even though we're not a choir. oh geez.

got dental first thing tomorrow morning, then going out with jacinta and kim to check out the prices of reindeer ears plus maybe watching a movie or catching up on some shopping for people's presents. I really hope that i can finish getting presents for people and start to wrap them so that i wont be so rushed coming closer to the date. Man, and i do hope i can find nice sensible presents quite unlike RIBBONS or anything of that sort. i mean, WHO the hell gives A ROLL OF RIBBON as a CHRISTMAS PRESENT right? gee, you tell me.

kay, i should really get to sleep now, finished decorating the dining area of my house with mommy, it looks really pretty now, i hope. haha, mommy's such a perfectionist you know, everything has to be perfect, so i figured, let her do the hanging up cause if not, she'll keep complaining that i'm hanging it up all wrong. HAHA, yeah, should get off the com like now, byee.

this.

2008-12-14T01:12:00.002+08:00

its been quite sometime since i last posted, so yeah i'm baaaaaaaaack!

so today wasnt the best day of my life, got up at 10 for tuition at 11, and was like, 20 mins late for chem. lizzi was supposed to go as well, but she didnt feel like going cause she was too tired, haha, and i didnt know how to get there so i kinda called her to ask and yeah. tuition was boring, mr rama was teaching organic chem, and like, he doesnt really know how to teach, so it was quiet bad, but yeah.

Then after, i had to go shopping with my mom at orchard to look for cuff links for my dad and some other christmas presents for the family, i got mine! BODYSHOP! but not gonna tell you what! oh well, shopping was pretty tiring cause i had all my tuition stuff with me, so yeah. then later, went home, got changed and bathed for mass and all.

mass was... pretty boring. then went to st to grab dinner and headed back to church for light up rehearsal, it was alright. Sometimes, we have our bad days. but its okay, i'll still love you all the same :)

CHALET!!

2008-12-01T10:57:00.002+08:00

Its about, 3 weeks to christmas, now isnt that fast. And guess what, O's next year, but whatever, lets not think about it now. So, i convinced my mom to let me go for the cat class chalet that starts today and ends on thursday, omg i cant wait for the chalet, and i'm only a few hours away from it too, we're supposed to meet in church at 2.45. Hehe. Oh yes, but i have this student leaders camp in the middle, like on wednesday, which i have to go for, aw man, gotta miss some part of the chalet. But its alright, BBQ will be on tuesday night so i can go home then!

And, i was almost not allowed to go for the chalet cause there werent any adults to supervise us, and my mom was afraid like, someone'd rape me or something, seriously, why on earth would anyone wanna rape me!? But yeah, finally did convince her to let me go for the chalet, i hope its gonna be fun, i cant wait! So, i think i'll bring my camera along to take loads of pictures there so i can post it up, but not as if i do anyway, but yeah, will try la huh. I wonder what movies we can watch there, i hope its those scary movies! I love them luh! Haha, it'll just scare the hell out of everyone and they'll be so super freaked out. AWESOME!

Hope nothing much happens at the chalet so that i wont get scolded when i get home or something. AND that i'll enjoy the chalet, that everyone's safe, that everything'll go well/as planned so we'll have an awesome chalet:D gotta start packing my bag soon, like now. so, CIAO

what choice?

2008-11-28T11:41:00.002+08:00

You know, i've been thinking. I really dont have an option on this, i mean look, you're giving me an either or option. like its either this or this, there isnt like, compromise or anything, you're asking me to choosing, to make a desicion on this, which i just cant, i mean look, you're asking me to choose between 2 things that are important to me, just like asking me to choose between seeing and hearing, i cant. I need both of them to enjoy life, dont you think?

And we've been talking about this, i can wait, if that means having to both see and hear, sure why not? But if waiting is going to make it more difficult to choose, why do i even bother, you want me to choose, and i just cant, i cant choose, i just cant. And maybe life was just made to be this way to see how long you're gonna make me choose till you finally decide that maybe i cant choose, there is no choosing between 2 goods, right? Ah well.

Dear God,
I dont know what to do with this situation at hand now, i cant please anyone without hurting another, and i'm really stuck now. Please help us overcome this soon, because if it drags on any longer, i really think i'll lose both my sight and my hearing, i think having one is better than not having any at all, but this decision is hard, please help me.

Wow.

2008-11-22T16:41:00.004+08:00

just came back from doing some christmas shopping with lizzi. I'm glad we bought stuff for people today, i feel accomplished :D and you have no idea how tired i am, i wonder why. Hmm. AND, omg, we have to go sell chocolates tomorrow at suntec, and we have to be like, in church by 7am. which means i have to get up like, 6 plus, bummer. RAH. i'm bored online, like really bored, absolutely nothing to watch/do since i've stopped playing any computer games and am too lazy to continue packing the rest of my room, so yeah.

hmm, i think... i shall go watch something else from the stack of dvds/vcds we have in our house. OR MAYBE i should play maple or something, COME ON, i'm really really bored! maybe sleep like the pig i am. its been like almost a month since hols started, but it sure doesnt feel like it, in a month the hols are gonna end and i'm gonna be sec4, what a nice thought. O's. Sucks. Okay, i have officially nothing more to say now, so i'm gonna not write anymore:D

QUIZ!

2008-11-13T22:51:00.002+08:00

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
RULE #2 Tag 5 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse.These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. Do you have secrets?
I guess? Some?

2. Would you fall in love with a guy younger than you?
Not exactly my top choice, but i guess you dont really have a choice to who you fall in love with.

3. Do you enjoy going to school?
Sometimes, as retarded as it sounds.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Why dont you give me a billion dollars, THEN you'll find out.

5. Would you love your ex again?
maybe, you'll never know what'll happen in the future.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
both are equal?

7. List out your 15 favourite songs:
1. Teardrops on my guitar
2. Realise
3. Year 3000
4. Love, me
5. Grace Kelly
6. The Geeks get the girls
7. Five minutes to midnight
8. Jesus take the wheel
9. 1985
10. Flipside
11. Friday Night
12. Clocks
13. Hum Hallelujah
14. Definitely maybe
15. LOW(E)

8. If you're single and your crush is already attached, what would you do?
No idea, still crush on him, but try to move on?

9. Is there anything that has made you extremely happy?
God, you know everlasting joy?

10. What makes you angry?
Uhm, annoying people?

11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time?
Hopefully in a good job, with a loving boyfriend?

12. Who is currently the most important people to you? (Addition: Name the total number of people
God, my family, my friends (of course there are special ones too)

13. What is the most important thing in life?
living it.

14. Single or attached?
SINGLE

15. What is your favourite colour?
Uhm, red, lime green, and a bunch of others.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
Of course i will.

17. What would be the 1st thing you say/shout/scream when you've reach the top of Mount Everest?
HEY SHORTIES! GUESS WHO'S FINALLY TALLER THAN YOU!

18. What are you doing now?
this quiz, msn-ing and texting people

19. Do you prefer chocolate drink or coffee?
Depends on when.

20. 5 people I have tagged:
sorry guys, really didnt mean to pick you :)
LIZZI! (THE AWESOME)
JOSHUA! (THE UH-STAR?) idk, it rhymes.
COLIN! (THE ANNOYANCE) only kidding.
PETER! (THE SKINNY PIG)
JAIME! (THE UNGLAM)

THE SISTERHOOD!

2008-10-27T19:11:00.002+08:00

oh well. (blows the dust off the blog)
its been a long time since i've been here, and look, it really hasnt changed a bit! maybe my blog's like some wine you know, better with age :D (AS IF!)

But anyway, yesterday, lizzi, jaime and steph stayed over at my house and we were practicing our confi song, its gonna be so awesome i tell you! AND we watched the sisterhood of the travelling pants as well, it was pretty cool except that we didnt have the subtitles and lizzi and steph didnt understand half of the story so jaime and i had to explain the story to them, seeing as we watched it before. But you know, jaime was like, asleep halfway through the show till it ended so lizzi decided to camwhore with the sleeping jaime, it was pretty funny. haha, maybe if lizzi updates her blog, you'll get to see the pictures :D

And so, we woke up like, almost close to 9 and we were supposed to wake up at 8! haha, steph had to go do some research with her friends at the bishan library, so she left like, 9.45? yes, and lizzi, jaime and I left for church at like, 11.20 or something, and we were supposed to be there at like, 10.30 :D we totally rock i tell you. But good thing is, the only person who went there at 10.30 was jonathon. HEHE. OH OH OH, while lizzi, jaime and the rest of them went for the cambodia briefing and all i learnt how to play collide on the guitar from CLEMENT! wow, cool la, really. and painful. BUT i'm so proud of myself la, i mean, come on i never knew how to play the guitar! and now i can play a SONG! (kay, not really the whole song, but still)

had confi rehearsal till about 4.45 then came back, did some math, gave up cause it was so boring and now i'm here :D and finally updating my dead blog. I never really keep up with my blog, i mean its so tedious to keep up with the dates. and besides, i've got better things to do, like study for my chem retest! rah, i hate chem. its so hard to remember la! tsk. okay, dinner time, ttys :D

CIAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

touch-me-not

2008-10-09T22:44:00.002+08:00

"some people are so preoccupied with the next world that they're forgetting to live in this one"- atticus

yup:D exams are finally going to be over, note my saying going cause they're not over yet, and lit is finally over man! whoo, i mean like, of course! no more lit, but actually i think lit it a pretty good subject you know, i mean you get to learn how people think and all, get to understand people, i mean i always thought that lit was a people's subject in that sense, like philosophy or something along those lines.
i'm losing you,
tomorrow's last paper is Amath, AND, its finally going to be over! talking about celebrating! i dont think i'll wanna go out tomorrow, i dont know, lizzi and lissa have the new hope meeting thing and well, i dont have the mood exactly to go out anyway, or the money. but oh well, i guess i can just celebrate at home, yay me. whoo. exciting. whatever man, and i revised math, but not that much so that i'm really confident in like getting an A1 or anything, as long as i pass, OR get a B at the very least i'll be pretty contented, not that i want that la, you know an A is way better anyday, just trying to comfort myself you know.
ever so slowly,
Besides, i realised that i want so many things, and i keep asking God, i just keep asking, yes, i do say thank you and i do offer myself to God, but the thing is sometimes when i know its God calling, when i know that God wants me to do things, i just dont want to, cause its so difficult, yes yes, God's work is never easy. I just wished i had a little more patience and understanding to do what God called on to us to do, i just never seem to find this courage, i've always let the devil take over.
please dont go.
I've thought about it, maybe i'll just go with the flow you know, let things go their natural ways. Maybe its just me. If things do change, i'm trying you know, to salvage it, but it takes 2 hands to clap and sometimes to do things. Sometimes when we want to build something up, first we have to break it down, maybe its working that way, we'll see. I'm praying about it, i've always been, since that first moment, i hope its working, because this last bit of hope, its all i need, its all that will keep me going, keep me trying.

Please help me Lord.

ON the brighter side, colin MIGHT be free tomorrow so i might not be left stranded alone. MIGHT, but you know, his school ends at like, what, 3? Nuts kay, then again, maybe i'll go home :D nothing beats home, cause home is where the heart is :D haha, omg, so lame.

NIGHT YALL!

cause life's like this'

2008-09-30T19:14:00.003+08:00

just looking through people's blog, and everyone seems to be talking about feast day, how awesome it was. oh well *shrug* that totally doesnt apply to me. but whatever. anyhow, this week has been okay i guess, and i went to school today, mr chan was being absolutely funny, but like, school really was a waste of time, except for physics that is. Mr chan was kinda pms-ing when he came into class, but it subsided awhile. Then like, had many many free periods, which i tried to use to study SS, but yeah, my thoughts kinda drifted...

but i came back down to earth, besides, i should stop thinking about it. please dont ask me what "it" is cause i'd much rather forget about it than repeat the whole thing to anyone anymore. i've been praying, i asked God what he wants of me, what i should do for him today, and suddenly it struck me that maybe what God wants me to do today was to let go, maybe he wants me to be the one who takes the initiative, i know, i always ask "why me?" but now, i'm gonna ask, "why not?" Father said today during mass that maybe sometimes we get rejected, like, by your parents, by your teachers, by your friends, but he said hey, let them reject you, just like jesus did, he let the world reject him, never imposes himself on anyone. I know its hard, but i'm gonna have to give it a try.

here's the truth, i want to know it. I wanted to know it since she told me about it, but you didnt tell me, and the only reason i'm denying that i want to know it is cause i'm hurt, and i dont think anything can change that. Knowing it now, just hurts me even more, so i dont wanna know it, because if it was really important, if i needed to know, you would have told me ages ago, but you didnt. i choose to forget this, and maybe all i ever wanted was to feel wanted, was to feel like i'm needed. But it doesnt matter, its all in the past, i'm just wondering whats gonna happen in the future.

but hey, maybe i'm jealous or something, and thats all, okay. thats all. there IS no better or worse between you, there isnt. its not like i prefer anyone over anyone. my gosh, i just dont wanna talk about it kay? I just dont wanna.

EXAMS! lets all study :D at least, i know studying keeps things off my mind!

childish

2008-09-29T23:51:00.002+08:00

i dont know why, and i hate myself for it, i'm so childish, i cant stand it. Maybe i've prayed about it, and maybe i've tried to forget it, but its like a feather you know, the harder you try to throw it, the less distance it moves. The more i think about it each time, and sometimes, i just wonder, why. Why girls are so sensitive, why I am so sensitive, its such a small matter, and yet. I'm asking God why he's doing this to me, okay, fine. So he wont answer me straight, but you know, sometimes i just want it to happen you know?

maybe i didnt listen to your explanation, maybe i was childish, but i just wanted to like, be childish, maybe just for tonight, i wanted to. i know you've never had obligations to tell me or anything, i've accepted that, but just when i forgot all about it, it came slaming back in my face, and i just didnt wanna know that maybe you didnt wanna tell me. I told God to help me forget it, i did, but no, what goes around, comes around.

you can put the blame on me-

2008-09-29T00:00:00.002+08:00

watched the sisterhood of the travelling pants today like, before tennis and all. I quite liked it, i mean its about this 4 girls who are the best of friends and all, i mean sure they quarrel, scream at each other but like, hey. doesnt everyone do that, thing is, they've been best friends since like, they were born, and i dont know, sometimes i just imagine that life will actually be like that for me, but ah, it doesnt really happen. Oh, but you know what, i remembered this line from the movie that this little girl, bailey said before she passed away. She said:

"i guess everyone has a little loser in all of us, and maybe being happy isnt about having the perfect life, maybe its stringing all the little things that form a big picture"

maybe life IS a stage, and we ARE the actors. So get into character celeste, moment of truth is over, ignorance is bliss.

jellybeans!

2008-09-21T22:46:00.001+08:00

good (morning sunshine) night starshine, the earth says hello.
so things havent been going our way, so problems have surfaced, and sometimes we ask God why he puts each and everyone of us through these kind of problems and sometimes, we all succumb to our human instincts and do the wrong thing. I for one have a terrible temper, and am pretty scary when i'm angry or what. I've been trying to not get so angry, i'm really trying, just maybe not hard enough. But hey, i'll continue to try.

Maybe we all have different ways of thinking about things, maybe we look at things differently. We see God in a different manner, we treat school differently. For some, God is dominent in their lives, some others, school or other priorities take over. No one is to be blamed, really. God made us all different, you cant force someone to come to church, yes, so they've made that commitment, so they've chosen not to stick to that commitment, but hey, what can you do about it? You can only bring the horse to the water, but if the horse doesnt want to drink it, what can you do? Nothing.

Everyone cheer up :D please/

SICK!

2008-09-16T19:38:00.002+08:00

oh man, i feel so miserable now. I'm sick today, didnt go to school, though i did wake up, feeling like crap so i told my mom i didnt wanna go school. Went back to sleep and woke up officially at 9. Then i had A banana for breakfast cause my throat wouldnt take anything else. my dad brought me to a doctor, and whala, thoat infection, flu, slight fever. Yup, i dont know if it had anything to do with the fact that i went to run yesterday with joshua. I doubt it, but i dont think i'll run with him anymore, he runs pretty fast (apart from the fact he's a guy). I had uhm, porridge for lunch, porridge for dinner, and hopefully not for breakfast. Man, when i took the flu pills after lunch, i was so sleep, stupid pill makes you sleep like a log. My gosh, i slept about 1-2 hours on th sofa in the living room after lunch -what a pig. But whatever, i was sick, i tried to do chem, but oh well, lets just say the throat infection's getting to my brain, couldnt really concentrate, so i gave up. I'm so gonna fail chem.

All i drank from lunch till dinner was water. water, water, and more water. I didnt even feel hungry for dinner, i'm losing my appetite cause of the throat infection, and it sucks kay, my throat feels like its rusty or something, but its painful for any kind of food to go down through it. urgh, i hate being sick. And, i missed maths lessons today, i'm totally screwed. Plus physics, but oh heck it, i'm sick anyway. I got an MC to prove it! Oh, strange thing is, i feel so cold, like really, so i dont wanna go to bathe, why cant i be not sick, i like being not sick, being sick is terrible. I really should get at least a little work done now, or go to bathe, which i shall do. Soon. And take my medicine, red and white pill, so patriotic man! Kay, i'm gonna bathe now, maybe try to do chem, WHICH, i dont understand much, and its terrible cause i kinda forgot what we learnt at the begining of the year, but whatever, ciao people.

"thank you"

2008-09-09T21:42:00.002+08:00

I know, i know, i'm supposed to do things without expecting anything in return, i know i said that i'd be nice, and its so hard, its really so hard. Please God, help me, its really not as easy as it was a few days ago. I dont know why, am i supposed to expect gratitude? The little bit of gratitude to make my day, for helping out? Maybe the "dont expect anything in return" thing included gratitude, dont expect people to say a simple "thank you" cause thats expecting too much. I figured that out already. Okay, maybe i'm being petty, whatever man. I'm trying so hard to be nice and all, sometimes i dont know why things annoy me, i seriously dont know. And i really think that i'm petty, but i really dont want to be, its hard to change you know, i'm just really annoyed okay. Not anymore, but i was.

Wii boxing was a real good way of relasing my, annoyance really. And it trains your arm muscles i promise, my arms are all sore after bout, half an hour of boxing. It wasnt supposed to be half an hour, but i kept wanting to beat my previous record thing, so yeah, ended up boxing for a really long time. And guess what? I'm a pro now, as in my Wii person is a pro now, cause i played it for so long, it became really good.

A little "thank you" would've made my day. I was planning on bringing it to you, but i realised you asked someone else and not me, that you expected me to know somehow that i should bring it to you. I would have been more than happy, but (blame me for being petty) its not the fact you didnt ask me, its the fact you asked someone else and not me and instead of asking me to bring it to you, you had to ask her, to ask me. Then later on, when i called you answered, "_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _" thanks. totally made my day. and you wonder why i needed to release my annoyance. I'm sorry, i'm trying to be nice, but its so hard.

Dedications>

2008-09-03T20:57:00.002+08:00

Just felt like it.

To Lizzi: I'm sorry for the times that i've been judgemental towards you, i never meant it, its just human nature to judge is it? (okay, i'm not giving excuses, i'm sorry :D) I know i'm not perfect, (in fact, i'm as far away from perfect as there is) and for the times that i've hurt you, i'm sorry. I'm going to change, yes i am. AND, sorry for ignoring your help when you tried to, i know you were trying to, just didnt want to admit it. Forgive me? My pretty little (okay, not so little) best girlfriend?

To Joshua: Sorry for venting on you time and again, sometimes i keep forgetting that you're younger that me, i keep expecting you to give me fantabulous advice, and to know the right time for everything. I know you're trying really hard to keep this going, and i appreciate that. Thanks for being there when you were, and for hating yourself when you werent (not that i want you to, but i'm touched), for knowing when i'm happy or sad without me telling you. I've never regretted knowing you, my best guyfriend! :D

To Colin: Sorry for, annoying you with my calls for you to help me with math, and sorry for not being able to empathise with you as much as you want me to. Thanks for actually taking time to help me with my maths though, and for being there whenever i needed someone to talk to:) Oh yes, and for cheering me up with your unending colin-ish humour.

To Steph: Sorry for not being a good friend, for not talking to you as often as i should have, for not making an effort to reach out to you. Sorry for not being there for you, I promise that i'll try to, but if i'm gonna try, you've gotta let me try ya?

To Peter: Sorry for the hurt i've cause, for the tears i've made you cry, for the time i've taken away from you, for the time i've made you waste. I'm not going to give any excuse for what i've done, i just hope you'll forgive me. Friends?

To Lissa: Sorry for the times i've let you down, for the things that i've said unconsciously that hurt you, for the things that maybe I can control but i dont really want to. I'm glad you're in my life, and you make hell alot of difference in my life, trust me. Continue being the lovable person you are :) And thanks for trusting me.

To Mars: Sorry for the times I annoy you, for the things that i say that hurt you, sometimes out of frustration, and thanks for everything you've done for me.

To Jaime: Sorry for not talking to you as often as i used to, sorry for letting our relationship drift to a certain extent, and thank you for always being there for me when i needed someone to talk you, you give great advice!

"True friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget"
- G. Randolf

Waitin' for the world to change;

2008-09-03T20:29:00.002+08:00

wassup yawl :D
okay, i've officially decided today that i'm gonna be nice to everyone around me, yes everyone, i'll try to stand those annoying ones and try to see them in a different way, cause while i was having dinner, i was thinking about the chinese story about the girl who was checking for the bad cockles cause apparently you can check by hitting 2 on each other to see if they make a clear sound. clear sound=good, unclear=bad. then once, when she was checking the cockles, she realised that all the cockles made the unclear sound thing so she told her mom and then they both realised that the first cockle she picked up to hit the rest were bad, so obviously all the cockles sounded bad.

THEN, she was relating that to her own life, like how she reasoned, that she cant have only met annoying/bad people (cause she thinks everyone's annoying) and that maybe she's the bad cockle, thats why everyone seems bad/annoying to her. so she realised that she shouldnt like, compare others to herself, or expect others to act the way she wants them to act, and she decided to change herself first then change others, be more accomodating of other's faults and learn to appreciate them more often, because no one is perfect and neither is she. I learnt something from the chinese lesson, apart from chinese that is, i mean, i've always known that we should be nice to people, i just never really got around to doing it. But now i've decided. I am gonna be nice okay!

i think i should stop gossiping/talking behind their backs/bitching about people. (oh man, this is really gonna be difficult but i'm gonna try, God please help me) okay, i have no grudges against anyone now, and i'm gonna start afresh with everyone. I dont hate anyone or dislike, as of yet since i just put away all my grudges. I've had this sudden change of mindset cause i was studying with lizzi and mars at starbucks today, and on the way back we were like, talking about people and lizzi was saying how she always thought i was really nice, the kind that doesnt bitch or anything, i dont want to prove to her that I really am that kind of person, i should be nice, yes i should, starting from now!

I'm okay (not);

2008-08-27T19:42:00.002+08:00

(sound of people chattering loudly to each other)

scene starts with two people sitting opposite each other, talking. Someone enters from stage left, sits next one of the two, three of them talk and one shifts to sit on the opposite side. Another person enters, apparently who told the girl to shift so she didnt need to sit with her. Three of the girls talk and laugh as if nothing's wrong, but she sits there, eating, not saying much preoccupied with her food. She's thinking of exactly why things have become like this, why their friendship is gone with the wind, why God's doing this to her. She tries her very best to think God makes things happen for a reason, and that this will pass soon enough, its just another part of life. She finishes her food, walks to somewhere quieter, surely there will be peace in there, surely i can just think alone. Or at least, avoid seeing how everyone can do as well with or without her, she's walking around the quiet room she entered, thinking about everything that has happened, thinking, wondering. Time passes excruciatingly slow while she is in that room, God's making fun of her, maybe God wants her to be able to accept change, because life is like that. Finally she walks out of the room, takes her things from the table they were sitting at and walks up, someone calls for her to wait, but she doesnt, she doesnt want anyone to talk to her, she doesnt want anyone to see how hurt she is, she doesnt want anyone to see the tears rolling down her face, she knows none of them will understand, even though some have been through it before. She knows that all she wants to do now is run, as far away from reality as she can be, she wants to be alone, she doesnt want to be in school. The tears are filled with hurt, hurt that they can sit at the same table and not talk to each other, hurt that this is what has become of their friendship, hurt that no one seems to care enough to know that she's hurt, hurt that she can lie saying everything was alright, until she goes to school to find out that nothing is alright. She wants to tell someone, someone who will understand, but she knows if she tells anyone else, the situation will get even worst when she finds out more people know about it.

She puts up a front, she's fine, she's happy. Because that is exactly what everyone wants to see. She's the villan, its all her fault, she's gonna accept it. Now i know how it feels like, when you told me you felt like you were always standing outside, looking through a window.

HEYALL. just back from choir, supremely tired from the day, there's another rehearsal tomorrow for mass and stuff, woah. I didnt bring anything back to study/revise even though exams are like, 4weeks away. Awesome :D I really have to start studying soon, yeah. OMGIMSTARVING! i'm gonna eat now, goodbye people.

Worth;

2008-08-25T23:15:00.003+08:00

sometimes things happen for reasons unknown, sometimes i feel like running and hiding, like dying, like getting a new life, why does something that i've asked for before seem so wrong now. I know now, why God doesnt give me everything i ask for.

I'm sorry if i've ever said anything that has hurt you, and i want to tell you that you mean more to mean than he can ever be okay, and that no matter what happens, i'll always stand at your end, i promise. I know that you're hurt, and i know that i cant do anything about it, I know that i probably should stay away from you to give you some air, i'll do anything to get you back to where we first started, when we were so comfortable with each other.

somethings i cant control, somethings i can.
And for those that i cant, i'm sorry.
I really love you, trust me.

dua, dual,2.

2008-08-16T23:16:00.002+08:00

HEY ALL!
i'm baccckkkkkkkkk. (not that i've been anywhere, just wasnt here)

Kay, anyway. Today was an oh-kay day i guess, choir was pretty good for me, i feel and the pt, i really hope people like what we did cause like, if they dont then we'll have to go back to old boring sets and all, running la la la. So after choir i went home to bathe, change and went to church early to supposedly study with mars and lissa, but yeah. We saw mrs nicks and we (mars,lizzi and I) went over to talk to her so we(lizzi and I) didnt get any work done. (not that lizzi was planning on, but I was. And mars came earlier so she did get work done) SO YES. talked till it was time for YISS and we went up for YISS.

But anyway, the YISS thing was okay, but i dont like to have too many of them, its too overpowering for me, like, i dont know, i'm quite okay with YISS but it becomes suffocating even after awhile and i have no idea why either okay. I asked God, but he hasnt answered me yes, so i'm waiting for him to give me an answer, then i'll tell you guys 'bout it. But yeah, basically. Walked home with lizzi and mars. AND AND, oh. HAHA. Frances' dad asked us to push his car since we didnt want to take a lift from him cause we said we wanted to exercise. BUT YEAH, i like walking back, its kinda interesting. MARS is hilarious. while we were walking, she suddenly stopped halfway on the road and looked at this house for sale and went "steeeeeeeeeeeeeven" HAHA. cause like the agent's name was "steeven" yes. with the double E.

YEAH, so anyway, lets back track to yesterday. Yesterday totally sucked. BIG TIME. firstly, i was kinda sick the whole day, i think i caught the flu from lizzi or something, i was so cold the whole time in school and i kept sneezing non stop and then, when i wanted to go to the washroom, my chem teacher, mr aiman (who really cant teach for nuts at all, and who has created this wave of anger in me against himself) didnt allow me to, like, WTH kay. PEOPLE need the toilet. I HA-fine, strongly dislike- him. AND my gosh, he thinks he's oh so funny, but he's NOT. totally not. URGH.

so then i stayed back for mass practice, and after that went to the smoothie shop to buy MILO smoothie, yeah, even though i was kinda sick, but ah, heck. AND i had to go buy lizzi's subway cookies for her before finally appearing at YCK. woah, CL started at 6 to about 7.25 AND rachel thought of a new way to break the word and i think its really cool :D i mean, now i quite understand the gospel while rachel breaks it down for us. We firstly hear how rachel breaks the whole thing down so its simpler for us, then we break into groups to discuss and i'm SO SO happy cause rachel said she was proud of us when we presented our explanation of the gospel! seriously, i was just so happy. Compared to other groups, i guess ours was the best cause the rest of them sounded like they really couldnt be bothered at all about the gospel, i mean ENTHU people! At least act like you care about this change rachel's brought about, and act like you appreciate it, so dont shun it away cause seriously, i dont see anyone of you doing a better job.

when people make changes, make sacrifice for you guys, learn to understand she's doing this for YOUR welfare. But i guess some of you will never know will you? Your only objective in life is fun, well, i hope you continue to think that way and i'll see what becomes of your future. You join CL because you want to serve the lord, because you want to impart your knowledge to the kids, but let me ask you this,

if you've no passion for learning about God, no interest in finding out more about your faith, what do you have to offer?

You're absolutely right. Nothing.

it must not happen again.

megacongnition;

2008-08-08T23:02:00.003+08:00

SO, sorry for not updating for the longest time (haha) but anyway, today was the national day celebrations which really was a waste of my time i tell you, could've pon-ed school or something! Yup, but ah, i guess school wasnt that bad, we had our HHF dance thing in front of the whole school. like, the dance that we were learning for our HHF thingo. and like, SUDDENLY everyone in our level was so enthu about dancing and clapping and moving to the music! like, *GASP* haha. usually during HHF everyone wont do the moves and all, but today, woah. i'm speachless. GO SEC3s!

So after that, had recess. I didnt eat much cause i wasnt hungry and we went upstairs for the national day concert. But was playing "hai nan ji fan" with some 3/2 people before the concert began, and guess who our emcees were again? Estelle, and ru hui. But whatever, at least they werent talking most of the time, that'd be terrible. OH YES, i remember this performance really clearly, Gale Belmonte and Melissa Ng, oh yes. i heard gale's voice, totally fell in love with it all over again la, seriously wished that i had such a nice voice. wont be suprised if she becomes the next singapore idol or something to that extent. Well, melissa's voice didnt match gale's, they have really different voices, so no go for a duet dudes. Next time, do solos each, it'd probably sound better, trust me :D

After school while we (lissa and I, cause lizzi and steph were waiting for lizzi's senior) were walking out of school we saw the sec4s doing the connect singapore thing. HAHA, it was so hilarious i tell you. WHOOO. like this whole long line of people waiting to make the world record of the longest human chain, seriously. Haha, oh well. Went with lizzi and steph to make their ICs and lizzi misplaced her BC so we had to get that done as well, and cause the stupid place doesnt accept cash, we had to go across the road and further in to find a 7-11 to top up lissa's cashcard cause lizzi didnt have one. woah, so far la, and lissa kept being annoying. HAHA. finally got the ICs done and we went to TAKA.

well, we were supposed to go TAKA, but i kinda led them to the wrong place so steph led us to the right place. Lizzi and lissa bought some noodle thingy and Steph and I went yoshinoya to buy our food, but lizzi and lissa bought food from yoshi too cause they said its nice, so yeah. Ate my food, really full, it was a set meal, really worth it one too, but it was so filling. Yup, after that, went to Kino cause steph and lissa needed to look for a book, but we ended up spending an hour there just looking at books, browsing, though lissa did buy a book, WHICH, i have a bet with her for a lolipop that she wont finish reading the whole BIOGRAPHY before she gets bored and stops. then later went to church, tried some maths, kinda sucked at it, read my book while lissa and lizzi were at mass. (i didnt wanna go)

after mass, went to esso to buy food (chips, man there goes my fit-ness) that i shared with lizzi and lissa wanted to satisfy her craving of cup noodles so she did. Lizzi and i did some abs exercises and we were like laughing when we were doing the pair one, i think we laughed more than we actually did the exercise. but whatever man! CL time, choir's kidna unprepared. OH YES, that reminds me, i have to type out the lyrics of the songs and FIND some lyrics since COLIN doesnt wanna find them. oh well, my dad gave my brothers, lizzi and me a lift home, so i skipped for like, 5 mins or so, (i was pespiring SO MUCH) rotated with my bros, went to bathe, and now i'm here :D kay, celeste shall go to sleep now, even though she doesnt need to get up early. CIAO PEOPLE.

faith;

2008-07-26T22:24:00.002+08:00

currently reading this book called faith. I think its pretty cool and all, though i'm only into the second chapter, its cool. BUT LIKE, OMG LUH! you know this stupid guy cheated on his wife, twice! and she forgave him the first time, but the second time, even her daughter saw her own father with another woman! AND, he didnt even apologise for having an affair, just filed for a divorce la! that woman is really stupid too, like, she's in self-denial that her husband still loves her when he obviously does not. seriously man.

but anyway, away from my book. today is a saturday! so went for choir, today i felt was rather unproductive cause we had to shoot a corperate video and we had to wear our choir gowns, the filming took like, 1 hour+ to finish, and because they wanted to shoot the choir's mouth moving, they had to keep singing songs, so by the end, the choir sounded so tired like they couldnt sing anymore, so went for sectionals then tested them. Had comm meeting as per usual, then went home, took a bath, changed and went to church to study/revise with lissa, she was doing english&math, i was just doing math. Met mrs nicks at church and she came over to sit with us to mark her english papers while we studied. She's really nice :D

Yes, went for cat class, went home and my cousins were over as usual. had dinner, watched this chinese movie-show thing. they were talking in freaking chinese, but thank God (or whoever invented subtitles) for subtitles. like, whew, i understood them then, they're china is like so damn powderful can! but i found the show boring, the story line pretty much sucked, so the producer totally wasted a few millions on this show. tsk tsk.

was gabriel's birthday today so we celebrated it at our house, uncle pete brought a mango cake, wasnt bad, but wasnt that good either. I'm not complaining, just saying. i realise that my cousins are all so old! he's like, 22 this year and i have another older cousin, who's 24. oh well, tomorrow gotta go church, and i think i'll better start studying for chem test on wednesday, or revising my math, which i'm totally hopeless at, thank you very much.

yup. celeste is gonna do her work now,
ciao people.

do this right;

2008-07-20T13:24:00.002+08:00

WASSUP YAWL!
it's been a few days since i last posted, cause i've kinda been lazy to update and i'm supposed to be studying my life away, eugenia told me i think, that its another 8 weeks to the start of the exams! wow, that is SO CLOSE. seriously, i have to start studying, recently i've been acting like a pig and doing nothing productive of that sort. GAWD, i really should start soon, OH, i've started on revising chem, but thats all that i've did, so yeah, thats not much anyway.

okay, today nothing interesting happened, as usual. OH last night we had durian party at my house, with all my relatives and everyone else! cool huh. my mom bought so many durians we couldnt finish. She bought like, 12 durians and we only ate 4, so the rest was given to the rest of my relatives to bring home and finish it. My fridge smells like durian now, cause there's 2 boxes of durian in there. HAHA. but its okay, i like :D

i'm 100% durian fan. dont yawl like durains? oh, gee deprived little kids. (yes, that includes you joshua) like, ya know. my cousin who used to wear braces told me only after i ate the durians that the smell will stick to my BRACES, and it'll take a long time before the smell goes away, like, seriously. thanks alot tim. BUT, good thing is, he's wrong, the smell totally *poof-ed* this morning so i was saved! OH, and i used my new shoes today, i like them. they're nice.

But anyway went for 9am mass today, went for CL and did duty that i wasnt supposed to do. I just love duty. Dont know why other people dont want to do duty, its like, super fun. I like the aunty's CL, they come up with really interesting ideas for homily and to explain the gospel to the kids. It totally beats listen to fr paul goh and his really long homily, which i may not even stay completely awake at. The aunty asked me to put the book on the altar and i bowed at the wrong place, i was supposed to bow at the host in the tabernacle, but i just bowed at the altar. HAHA. whoops.

after mass, went out with my family and had my hair cut, now its SHORT! i mean, its still long, but its way shorter than it was before! but okay, i like my new hairstyle, its nice, mummy says it makes me look fresher. I'm fine with it, its alot lighter now. oh yeah, tomorrow its racial harmony day, or as the school likes to call it "be yourself day" but whatever, you know if you dont wear any ethnic costume, you'll have to pay $1 to the school sports hall! haha, nat told us that if we wear our uniform it'd be okay, since its french. HAHA, so funny right.

OKAY PEOPLE. celeste is going for tennis now, and going to eat the remaining durians from last night, she loves durian!

like snowflakes;

2008-07-16T22:08:00.002+08:00

hello world, guess what? today is lizzi's birthday, so...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIZZI!

yeap. i hope she had a happy birthday. I felt so bad the whole day yesterday and today la. Like, i had to lie to her so much just to keep the secret that i was baking for her. I even had to lie that yesterday i was gonna bake peter's blueberry cheese cake, and i wasnt even planning on buying the blueberry cheese cake, i thought lizzi'd know that we were gonna bake her a cake, but yeah. WHEW, she didnt suspect a thing, even when i needed to buy cocoa. for the CHOCOLATE cake i was baking for her with peter.

So yeah, anyway i brought the cake to school, gave it to the uncle in the canteen so he could keep it in the fridge, and i totally didnt wish her the whole day until recess cause i was supposed to pretend like i didnt care it was her birthday, i dont know if it worked or not, were you sad, lizzi? When i didnt wish you at all the whole morning i was with you? SORRY! yeah. bought her the candles that would never get extinguished, it was cool. But, i kinda went out anyway, after lizzi blew the candles for awhile :D

yeap, mars covered lizzi's eyes and lissa and I brought out the cake for her. I bet she was SO touched la. HAHA. peter baked the cake as well though, i think he really CAN burn down the kitchen if he wants to. but at least he tried, and the cake was nice wasnt it? lizzi refused to let us cut her cake, so she served everyone. tell me, who serves people her own cake on her birthday!? weird-o. Yes, we were late for chinese after recess, as usual, cause we had to clean up the place and finish the cake. Heh.

Yes, then after school we had choir, shimona taught me how to conduct! I know i'm supposed to be better at this kinda thing, but i'm not, so i'm asking for help, nothing to be afraid of, even though she's younger than me. She's way more talented, definitely. So yes, today was a pretty alright day i guess, nothing big happened, OH, we played a little rugby during PE. or training for rugby anyway. Had some fun with the rugby thing, so yes.

OKAY. GOODNIGHT.

just dont play with me;

2008-07-10T20:49:00.002+08:00

when you think of IJ, what do you think of?

let me tell you what i used to think when i thought of IJ. I thought IJ was my shelter, my refuge. I thought IJ was a place where i could be myself and everyone could understand, i mean, we're all girls and besides that, IJ girls have the basic values that should be in each and everyone of us. THAT was the IJ i've always dreamt of. Values like, compassion, consideration, transparency, honesty, modesty and many many more. Dont you think that everyone should have those values? Well, this world isnt perfect, neither am i. My fuse is really short, and for the smallest things, especially things that deal with injustice, i'll blow up.

Look, i'm not asking everyone to give in. I'm sure everyone has their reason for doing what they did, but all i'm asking is, in all your years in IJ, where's the compassion for your friends. Those who need help, those who ask, you turn them away, why? Because your world revolves around you, you and you alone. Because "i'm the most important", because "they had their chance and they missed it, so i'm not going to give them another chance". you know why, because you selfish people, wont give others a second chance, i mean, you're perfect right? never made a mistake in your whole entire life, so you dont need any second chances. I'll remember that. For life, i assure you, i will.

You're all thinking, "this is such a small matter and she's so annoyed". So be it, yes this is a small matter, i told you i have a short fuse, and so what? this "small" issue says alot about your character. I'm not saying you've got to be perfect, just be a good role model. If you expect others to have that attitude, you better have the same attitude. If you want to be the top, act like it. Where's the servant leadership in this, where all you think of are YOUR grades? I dont know alright, you want to blame someone, just blame me okay? And get over with it, i know you hate me, i know you bitch about me. But let me tell you this, i dont care. When i'm done with life, the only one who cares is God. Just think about it, all you catholics, self-centred, selfish. Me, Me, Me. there is no US, no YOU. just me. go live in a box.

But anyway, today was a pretty bad day for me. And i'm not going for the R^3 thing. Go as a class, nonsense. If this didnt happen today, i'd probably go for the R^3 thing, but after this, I really dont think the whole class thing is going to work out. Went to church today to do work, went for mass, prayed really hard, everything is going wrong in my life, and i cant understand it. I dont know why my life if turning to be so bad, not only did we have a screwed up performance for choir, now even our class is on such bad terms. I'll remember, everything happens for a reason, and its to make me stronger. I'll keep that in mind.

I've no more homework because i did mine in church already, so i'm currently free to think about stuff that's bothering me. I guess God has a message for everyone through this, lets just think this way.

"what goes around, comes around, remember?"

what about today?

2008-07-06T22:13:00.002+08:00

today was, to put it simply, AWESOME!
yeah, so it was tiring, yeah, so it was hot, yeah, so it rained halfway. But all in all, i enjoyed the funfair, except for doing my shifts, but i guess it was alright. So, here's a run through of my day, woke up at about 6.30am to go to church. Reached church by about, 7am to set up the stalls and get the stuff ready. I was doing the prizes stall with jaime, which is the most boring stall on earth to have been assigned i tell you. And the prizes were quite bad, really.

Yeap, my shift was from 8-10, though most of the time we were stoning cause like, duh, no one comes to a funfair this early. Yeap, so after that, 10-2 was larissa and fel's shift, while lizzi, jaime, lissa, mars and I walked around the funfair and stuff, though lissa and mars only got off their shift at 12. Yeap, saw hannah, anna, RC and pat at the carnival! they came to support us! yay, the nice scholars. so yeap, i attempted to dunk peter. didnt really get to hit him down, so i pushed the thingo and he fell in the pool anyway.

went to the haunted house as well, it was okay. not that scary at all, i mean, yeah. partially cause you know the people who're in there, and partially cause i dont know, these kinda things dont freak me out much. yeah, did a couple of song dedications to people around church and stuff, ate some food, walked around the carnivals, played guitar hero, which i really suck at, yeah. then father mike got dunked for $1800+ at 2.45 when the carnival was about to close. (i seriously didnt know he was worth so much!) it was fun. OH, and joyee came as well!

cleared up everything and left church by about, 3.30? i dont know, i kinda lost track of time. Yeap, went home, bathed changed, ate dinner, went out for a while, now i'm back, and yeah. tired like nothing. and celeste shall go to sleep soon :D

eat fresh;

2008-07-01T22:21:00.002+08:00

today was a pretty boring day, cause all the subjects were boring. I mean, all our nice teachers left, so of course its boring. yeap. so, chem was quite boring, so was lit. I won a jell-o or something from ms teo when i answered a question no one wanted to answer. YES:) but anyway, then jessica left. after lit for her nationals. i think its called whala. or something to that extent, yeah. i was left aloneee.

TOTALLY, i was soooo bored i tell you. cause i had no more jessica to annoy in class, so it became rachael. SORRY RACHAEL. i kept disturbing her and i drew on her hand cause i wanted her to remember to bring the thermometer, but she didnt let me finish writing, so all i got to was "b" yeah. whatever.

rest of the day was pretty boring, after school i went to subway with lizzi to get out lunch and cookies :) then we met pris and carol at tp mrt station. carol is so weird i tell you, its like she's hiding something. she kept smiling non stop all through the train ride, i dont even know why, it gets pretty scary sometimes. moving on with life, i went home, ate my subway lunch, went to bathe, came online. slacked the whole day, memorised my yasa score. and yeap. now i'm here.

OH YES, and i watched 27 dresses. i hate that stupid sister. she freaking stole her older sister's crush that she's had for YEARS NOW. gosh, such a bi***. people like these. but yes, oh i was reading lizzi's blog just now, and she was talking about subway, THEN, i remembered i still had my subway cookie in my bag. so i'm eating it now. double choc chip. mmmmm. yummy :D all those who havent tried it, you are so missing out.

yeap. but anyway, i'm going to sleep now, its kinda late.
NIGHT ALL

from the outside-

2008-06-29T21:11:00.002+08:00

hello world, whom i have abandoned for a period of time :)
celeste is back, with more news.

okay fine, so its really not much news, but whatever. today was a pretty fun day and all. the youths from church went to wash cars, yes, me included. it totally reminded me of choir, when we had to go wash the cars and stuff for fund raising for italy trip. yeah. totally fun, except when the car's awfully dirty and there's like, bird poop and other disgusting stuff, of which i dont want to think about.

but yes, it was fun. then after lunch, lizzi, jaime, rachel, larissa & I went to the pool room to sort out the prizes for the funfair next week, 6th july. so... ALL THOSE READING BETTER COME FOR IT!

What: SVDP funfair
When: 6th July'08, 8am - 3pm
Where: SVDP church. (along yio chu kang road)

yeap. COME EVERYONE. its supposed to be a blast, and i guess we'll all enjoy ourselves if we tell ourselves that its an enjoyable thing. i mean, even if you go to the most enjoyable funfair, if you dont have the mood or are upset, it'll feel like some sucky funfair anyway, no matter what. but, i guess joy comes from within you, people can attempt to make you happy, but you're really the only person who can truly make yourself happy.

yeap. anyway, after clearing up and stuff, the rest of CL went to play rugby at fernvale, but i couldnt go cause i had tennis. aw man! but its alright, tennis was really fun, i enjoyed it, really. time just passes so fast when you're having fun, doesnt it? yeap. then came home, read a little, went to bathe, ate dinner and here i am :) and tomorrow, school starts again, BUT, thank GOD. its a retreat tomorrow for the first 4 sec3 classes. great stuff, so there isnt actually any school at all. wow, isnt that great?

haha, alright. this week has passed so fast, and the weekends are already over, i could almost swear that it just started before it ended. but oh well, we cant always have the best things in life, can we? OH OH, i realised something, i think i'm quite a petty person. and i hate it. i cant stand being so, petty. WHY WHY? i dont want to be like that. GOD, help me. sometimes, i really just wished i was someone else, i wish i didnt feel like that over some stupid small issue.

have you ever wished you were someone else?
hoping things would be different somehow?
dont we all want dreams come true?
but we never get it, its nothing new.
have you ever felt like you were going to lose the world?
and in the end, you realise you were never going to?
sometimes we misinterpret things,
lose ourselves, and breakdown.
because we dont clear up the misunderstanding.
when we see the light, we realise its so stupid.
then we ask ourselves the question,
"how could i have thought that?"
this is the hard fact, its true.
lets just face it, i never want to lose you.

lets all go back to reality. school's starting, again.
WORK. aw man. this. really. really. sucks.

yellow ribbon project;

2008-06-24T22:55:00.002+08:00

yeap, second chances are given.
nothing's the same after, though.
may not be the same boss you work for,
its a different life, duh.

--------------------------------------------------------

there are so many things i'd like to blog about,
but sometimes, blogs are so dangerous.
haha, ohh, bet you're all trying to guess what i wanna blog about,
fat hope, none of you'd ever guess this.

ever took drugs? (no, i dont do drugs, COMEON!)
but this feels like an addiction.
not something i cant live without,
but something that i'd rather live with.
okay, so its a little difficult to explain.
its something i'd want to be kept secret,
but yet i'm bursting to tell someone.
its like hershey's chocolate kisses,
small chocolate kisses, that taste
SO GOOOOD. haha. chocolate.
my addiction. yeah.

*gasp* TSK, what were you thinking?

(bet you'll thinking, there's gotta be a hidden meaning)
*shrugs shoulders*
if you say so.

sunday,monday,tuesday. i've had hershey's.
i'm totally gonna grow fat!
HAHA, SEE ALL OF YOU SOON.
celeste is gonna sleep now :)

behind the brown bush,
under the tree;

school's back;

2008-06-23T17:50:00.002+08:00

man, that has got to suck. i'm so tired today cannn! I mean i wasnt exactly sleeping in class, but i wasnt paying attention either, totally forgot everything that mr tay went through, i'm totally screwed, i forgot like, everything. MAN, why cant information just like, stay there or something, it'd be good ya know, for a change. But whatever, no homework today, i've tried the hey maths thing, totally agree with mars, its like designed to stress you out or something.

You know, they make you think so hard, when the answer's not that far away, and then when you realise its actually not that difficult, you'd have already wasted so much time on that stupid question. HAHA. whatever man, i feel so tired, so tired, i almost fell asleep while doing math just now, gosh, i need something to keep me awake. And the camps that just finish were exhausting, like really. I like the lizzi's sessions best, for CL camp. The games were okay, great as well, but i think the sessions were more fulfilling. yeap, though some people will think otherwise, but its okay, lets move on with life.

SO many things have happened over the holidays! I mean, like, so many things have changed, and people have changed, relationships have changed, its all getting better and stuff, looking up to a much better life. Trust me, i know that you need to sacrifice things in order to get your life worked out, i know it pain, but if you constantly run away from it, hide from it and try to pretend like its not happening, it wont help you at all. Why not face it, face the truth, and accept it? Doesnt that make it all the better? If you keep pretending, i cant help you anywhere. Look, i love you, i love all my friends, but sometimes its just better left where it is okay?

I hope you understand, that its wasting your time, and i'm sorry that i ever did. OH WELL, that aside, i shall take a power nap, do some work, go for a walk? I need to get those endorphines going man, my brain's totally dead now, cant think, cant do anything. come on celeste, WORK HARD, aw man. i dont wanna. fine, lets do it together, God, please help me.

let go, let God.

2008-06-15T18:55:00.002+08:00

HELLO EVERYONE!

yes, i'm back from camp. I dont really miss camp in a sense like, i really want to go back, but camp was super awesome, for someone who really didnt want to go for camp at all, yeap, it definitely was an experience. I would blog about what happened when I encountered God, but i feel so lazy, so lets just leave it at that okay? That i experienced God, and loved it, every moment.

I guess this camp has made me grow alot, i've become closer to some people, got to know those that i originally didnt know, and well, though some have gotten further apart, things happen for a reason, just think. But oh well. The camp was good, we slept in dorms without air-con and with only a thousand and one insects and flies, OH and mosquitoes! Gosh, the first night i couldnt sleep much cause i kept waking up to scratch my legs, the mosquitoes i tell you. And there were like, what, 6 cubicles for the whole female population to bathe in. haha. Oh yes, on the first day we played captains ball with fruits. For the match i was playing, we chose the ball to be a honeydew, and if you're thinking that the honeydew is so hard, you're not wrong, just that it kinda broke 5 mins into the game so we were playing with pieces of the honeydew. haha. it was pretty fun.

First day was light spiritual, then second day was pretty heavy. Had praise and worship loads of times, confession, and healing session. It was good, pretty good really. Oh well, i'm too tired to explain everything in detail now, i'm exhausted and i've got CL camp on tuesday. till friday, i cant imagine how tired i'd be by the time i'm done with THAT camp, really. Ohh. yeap, so far, my life is pretty normal i'd say, my brothers, jlowe and peter are back from perth. Marc bought me a jacket and matthew bought me the handphone thing. They're so cute, i cant believe they actually bought something for me, i never expected them to be so nice. Love them! :)

Oh yes, thanks for the care/concern everyone! i'm okay, really really, i'm okay. i'll live!

why, tell me why!

2008-06-05T21:08:00.002+08:00

Why now?
Why this?
Why me?
Why?

I've prayed,
I really did.
But this,
this isnt fun.

I hate this,
Please dont,
Not to me,
I cant take it.

I cant.
Please stop.
No way,
I dont believe it.

Hell no.
PLEASE. STOP.
I'M FAR TOO YOUNG.
when i'm older.
when i can take the hurt.
But not now.

GO AWAY.
why MY life.
WHY!? WHY!?
stupid. urgh.

and as tears spill down my cheeks,
there's nothing that i can do.
i'm helpless, what can i do?
i cant control life, why?
i knew this was going to happen,
one day, i knew it.
but i really didnt mean it,
i didnt mean it when i thought those thoughts,
i dont want it to happen.
please, god. help me.

shopping list;

2008-06-03T19:01:00.003+08:00

the house is so quiet now, the silence isnt nice, seriously. i hate it. marc, matthew, COME BACK. i'm so lonely without you. no more of your fighting, no more of your disturbance. but, i miss you guys. come back! MAN, they're in perth enjoying themselves. so unfair.

today, wow, no choir! Yesterday was pretty horrendous. I mean, i could only conduct with one hand, and before that i was clapping, dont know if it was the right rhythm. Oh man, i suck la. But anyway, enough of yesterday's choir practice. After choir practice, we had comm meeting till about 6.15? then i rushed all the way home, reached home at about, 6.50 and rushed to bathe, change and cycled to mars's house for her party. i think i reached at about 7.10? or 7.15. i cant quite remember anymore. yeap. ate, played, SANG, and left her house at like, 10.50pm.

so today, i woke up at like, 9.40 and i was supposed to meet nat and shimona at 11. but i was so lazy that i left the house at 11.10 HAHA. so yeah. they had to wait for me. went for lunch, ate at SUBWAY (EAT FRESH) again. It was so nice i tell you, my subway melt. HAHA. yeap, then went to orchard to get my phone repaired. (it takes 2-3 working days) so i was phone-less all the way home. Yeap. spent the entire day after that, slacking at home, doing absolutely nothing.

i feel like such a pig, i cant even do my homework, cause i dont have half of it. so yeah. I should seriously start on my homework, if not i'll die when school reopens. YEAP. dinner now, so, yeap. LATER!

YOU'RE IT

2008-05-31T13:26:00.002+08:00

I got tagged, again.

Name 20 people you can think of right now.
Don’t read the questions until you have named the 20 people.
At the end of this, choose 5 people to do this

ONE/ Lizzi
TWO/ Joshua
THR/ Marrissa
FOU/ Lissa
FIV/ Colin
SIX/ Peter
SEV/ Catherine
EIG/ Agnes
NIN/ Natalie Foo
TEN/ Rachelle
ELE/ Jake
TWE/ Eugenia
THI/ Lynette
FOU/ Stephanie Leong
FIF/ Rachael Lee
SIX/ Jessica
SEV/ Rachael Lopez
EIG/ Ama
NIN/ Amanda GSY
TWE/ Steph Foo

How did you meet#14? (Steph Leong)
- School.

What would you do if you didn’t meet #1? (Lizzi)
- (I would copy Lizzi's answer but thats so not original)
-um, i'd probably go crazy not having her around.

What if #9 and #20 dated? (Nat Foo, Steph Foo)
- Hmm, that'll be intersting, dont you think?

Will #6 and #17 date? (Peter,Rachael Lopez)
- Highly unlikely, but its a possibility

Describe #3 (Marrissa)
- Over achiever, perfectionist, needs to go church more.

Is #8 attractive? (Agnes)
- Yeap, totally.

Describe #7 (Catherine)
- She's a great friend, but sometimes, really scary.

Know any of #12’s family members? (Eugenia)
- Not know, know, but i know she's got an older sister, younger brother, parents.

What language doesn’t #15 speak? (Rachael Lee)
- Japanese?

Who is #2 going out with? (Joshua)
- I KNOW THIS ONE!!! SUNFLOWERS.

How old is #16? (Jessica)
- 14 turning 15 soon!

When was the last time you spoke to #13? (Lynette)
- Last day of school?

Who is #1 favourite band/singer? (Lizzi)
- Favourite band? no idea. favourite singer? ME OF COURSE.

Is #19 single? (Amanda GSY)
- Hmm, good question. ARE YOU?

What is #10 last name? (Rachelle)
- Toh

Would you ever be in a relationship with #11? (Jake)
- Not anytime soon.

School of #3 (Marrissa)
- The school I’m in

How does #5 talk? (Colin)
- "Because why?"

Where does #6 live? (Peter)
- In the neighbourhood.

What’s your favourite thing about #4? (Lissa)
- Her self entertainment system.

What’s the best thing about #20? (Steph Foo)
- The obvious questions she asks.

What makes #18 a good friend? (Ama)
- I dont know.

When was the last time you saw #11? (Jake)
- Yesterday?

Five people you want to do this:
Colin, Joshua, Peter, Rachael Goh, Catherine

rush;

2008-05-29T19:05:00.002+08:00

well, today i got out of bed at about, 10plus? not too bad considering its the holidays. And auntie florence was over at our house cause she was going to bring my grandmother shopping and go for a check up at the hospital for her back and stomach ulcer. yeah. so i went to bathe, helped my brothers pack for their perth trip, yeah they're going overseas. Band. they are absolutely clueless on packing, so i helped them, being the nice me.

yeap. Nat called to discuss with me about the meeting for tomorrow, i've roughly got everything planned already, and after lunch, i took out my scores and started practicing the pieces that we planned to do on monday. Tried to think of a way to teach rhythm, it is a bit difficult, but i'll do my best, i'm not as good as samira or Sijia, seeing as both of them have at least grade 8 piano. I have like, half of that, grade 4. wow huh.

Did some quizes online, and basically spent the whole day relaxing and stuff. haha, tomorrow, COMM LUNCH. haha, ohh i cant wait. I still need alot of practice for conducting cause i'm so lousy at it. 4 sections, and already i'm dying. just imagine conducting a band. but anyway, i still cant figure out why i'm the student conductor you know, i mean, its so weird. ME!? yeah. better go practice more, I need it. haha.

ciao people,
let loose, its the hols!

ELECTIONS!

2008-05-28T19:48:00.002+08:00

Hey all, today i had choir, from 7.45 to about, 5.30? Yeah, long day huh. But oh well, morning was choir as per normal, without the sec4s because they had lessons this morning. Joy and shimona took over the choir and we played, um. Dog and bone and blow wind blow on top of our normal 8 rounds around the track and 3 sets conditioning. It was pretty fun, something we havent had in ages, games. Could consider it bonding of somewhat. At least we all enjoyed ourselves. WOW, tell you. running was like, wow, i'm so unfit now. Got to start training sometime soon!

Yeah. Had choir sectionals till about 12 and then went back to the room, sang in the dark, some. And went for LUNCH! whoo. i ate rice with potatoes and curry and as usual, i couldnt finish it. Went back into the choir room, finished reading "my sister's keeper" while the rest of them were playing "tai-ti" or however you spell that. AND, omg, they were playing "asshole tai-ti" when i joined them. SO i had to start at the bottom, and i was a "big asshole" haha. then for 1 game I remained a "big asshole" but THEN, 2nd round, i moved up to royalty and became a QUEEN. haha. GOOD HUH. yeah.

after that we had choir elections till about 4.30 plus. And this is the new choir comm for 2008/9:
Student Conductor: Yours truly
President: Natalie Foo
Vice- President: Andrea Lim
1st Pianist: Shimona Rose
2nd Pianist: Stephanie Leong
3rd Pianist: Nicolette Foo
Sop 1 SL: Jessica Vincent
Sop 2 SL: Jessica Vanderwall (sorry if the spelling's wrong)
Alto 1 SL: Joy Chua
Alto 2 SL: Eugenia Lee
Treasurer: Rachelle Toh
2nd Treasurer: Kristine Koh
Secretary: Seraphina
CIP rep: Paula Teo

YEAP. if you're wondering why i'm up there, i am too. Do tell me when you've found an answer though. I'm confused :) Well, i hope we can work well as a comm, do the best we can!

everybody's gonna love today;

2008-05-26T23:18:00.003+08:00

OKAY PEOPLE. today was a pretty good day for me, seriously. well, it was till about, 9.45pm and thats not considered day, so my day wasnt ruined. *whew* But whatever, today lissa, mars, lizzi came to my house at about 11.45 and then my dad drove us to serangoon gardens to eat lunch and sign us in for bowling. yeap. we went bowling, 2-4. it was, funny, to say the least. and lissa and mars totally hate bowling now, but i find it pretty fun really. haha.

okay, so we go for lunch at cafe cartel, ordered a set lunch and it comes with dessert right? so yeah, after the meal, we're all wondering what the dessert is, so we sit there and wait. GUESS WHAT, the dessert was the small ice cream thingo, mini poppers, which was still in its wrapper. LIKE WTH. when it came, and we saw it, all of us had to try so hard not to burst out laughing cause it seriously was too funny.

After lunch, we go to the club and sign in for bowling, get our shoes and start. In the begining, i was seriously, damn lousy. It kept going into the "longkang" and yeah, the pins were standing there, straight as ever, didnt even move. But slowly we all got better, and I HAD A STRIKE. even though it was only one, BETTER THAN NOTHING. so yeah. OH YES, and then the funnist thing happened. We laughed so hard, and tried to hide it, but failing miserably.

So next to us, is this group of guys that i suppose are from secondary school. Still in uniform and all. We thought they were lousy, but they were, a little in the begining and started getting way better. So anyway, all of them were trying to be cool, you know, trying to act like they have style in bowling. And this guy, cause his right leg was crossed behind his left too far, after the bowled, he FELL DOWN. IN FRONT OF THE FRIGGIN LANE. omg, that was so funny, i SWEAR. then we were all laughing so hard, but trying to hide it, cause, you know, it isnt nice to laugh at someone, seeing as we WERE kinda pathetic as well.

It was lizzi's turn after that, and cause she was laughing so hard, when she swung the ball towards the pins, it didnt go towards the pins, it came towards US. yeah, she dropped the ball behind herself, and OH MAN, we were laughing so hard, i SWEAR i'd have developed some form of abs. We should SO have taken a picture of that la. hilarious much. I realise, when i go out with lissa, lizzi, mars, there's always laughter and fun. And i really do always enjoy myself.

After the whole bowling thing, we went swimming. when we were at the pool, THEN i realise i'm missing something. YES, my swimming costume. TELL you, that was so annoying, cause i really wanted to swim. So i called my dad, asked him if my brothers wanted to come swimming, and if they were, to bring my swimming costume. I convinced my brothers to come, so i could swim. And my dad brought my costume and goggles for me. Mars and lissa didnt swim though, because they didnt bring costumes and they're parents didnt allow them to.

THANK YOU DADDY, I LOVE YOU.

swam, and realised how much i miss swimming, and how slow i am now. i seriously used to be fast. but that was in the past, now, nah. After that, bathed and changed. (mars went off with her parents already, for dinner) Then we had dinner at the club restaurant. i had beef hor fun. it was okay, but i couldnt finish it as usual. And my BROTHER, MATTHEW chided me on not finishing my food, and wasting money, because that was what i used to do to him. But anyway, after dinner, my dad dropped lissa, lizzi and I off at church and we went for charismatic. It was okay, there have been better sessions, but it was okay.

After that, colin was supposed to tell me something. truthfully, after i heard what i did, i had absolutely no reaction. And i think its like as if my mind has created this protective layer, to filter in only what i really care about. its like an anti-biotic. If you dont take the full dosage, you're body will start fighting against the medicine, and it wont work any more. Your body then, creates a resistance, just like your mind. I'm immune to it, truthfully, i dont care much anymore. why should i? He keeps telling me you're trying, trying your best. i've only got one thing, no. one word to describe that.

BULLSHIT.

i'm sorry, the trust contract ended a long time ago. Just that, you didnt realise it. Now i'm telling you, the contract ended, and you've got to pay a price, accumulated from all the other expired contracts, to renew this one. takes guts. i'm not asking you to stop now. take your time. ALL i asked of you, was to stop lying, but i guess that was too much.

Because;

2008-05-26T22:48:00.002+08:00

1. Do you like your present school?
Totally.

2. What do you want the most now?
An Ipod classic.

3. Who is the closest person to you in your school?
LIZZI THE AWESOME!

4. Do you hate your friends sometimes?
Occasionally, but still love them in the end.

5. Are you afraid of death?
Well, not really actually. Death might be a good option.

6. Do you believing in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
Yes, but i dont believe in it always being colourful.

7. What is your goal this year?
To get 15 points and below for L1R5

8. Do you believe in eternity love?
Yeap. But it doesnt happen when you're young.

9. Have you ever broken someone's heart that he/she wants to commit suicide?
Once, and i never plan on doing that again.

10. What do you enjoy doing the most?
Spending time with my friends.

11. Have you ever done anything for your admirer?
No, cause i dont know of any.

12. What feelings do you hate most?
Betrayal, Lost, Envy/Jealousy.

13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
Almost every one.

14. What is your definition of love?
It is a commitment you make.

15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Relationships, you cant live life without them.

16. Do you find life meaningless?
Sometimes.

17. Who do you love most?
Specifically? My parents. Generally? Well, Family, Friends.

18. Who do you talk most to in school?
Lizzi, Lissa, Jessica, Rachael, Ama, (and mars, but not really in school.)

Instructions: remove 1 question from above, and add in your personal question, then tag 6 people in your list, list them out in the end of this post. Notify them in their chatbox that he/she has been tagged.

You've been tagged (its not in any specific order):
1. LIZZI
2. LISSA
3. COLIN
4. MARS
5. JOSHUA
6. PETER

OPEN.

2008-05-24T13:16:00.002+08:00

I DECLARE THE HOLIDAYS, STARTED!

whoo. somehow, it feels really good now its the holidays, but then again, no such thing as holidays cause right now, i've got a ton of homework, camps, which keep me occupied during the hols. Its good, this break, but now, weird as it sounds, i feel like studying. I think i'm a rebel. like, i dont study when i'm supposed to, but i when i dont need to, i just want to. But its good, seeing as lissa, the smart lamma, studies with me, i should be able to understand Amath, or actually, ripples DO help. A little.

its been ages since I really updated, not that i'm about to do that now, but lately, i've realised that i've been going out with lissa,mars & lizzi alot. Or rather, not out out,but at my house, playing Wii, its really fun, i LOVE THEM. seriously, (but i should take that back since it'd boost their ego) they are a bunch of unforgettable people. OH YES, jaime, we'd have alot more fun with you, but, you know, you're NOT in IJ. and you're so super busy, we kinda overlook the fact that you'd wanna come. sorry though!

YESTERDAY.
watched made of honour with lizzi,lissa,steph foo,gracia & amanda GSY. it was a pretty good movie, but the ending was SO cliche PLEASE. it would be so sweet if it actually happened in real life, but no. it would be so cool! i wanna marry my best friend too! i mean, not now, but later in life. IF my best friend was a guy, cause i'm totally straight. i MEAN IT.

went to church, helped peter a little with his maths, went for mass, dinner at ST with mars, lissa, lizzi and jaime. then went to CL, had rosary, then for CL we had to break into our camp groups to discuss our flag and yeah. basically that was it, yesterday. ONE more thing, i slept REALLY late cause i wasnt allowed to GO to SLEEP, even though i was GETTING SCOLDED. AND on the brink of getting WATERED. but no. i stayed awake.

TODAY,
went for PTD, wasnt really a parent teacher dialouge, since my parents were in malaysia, so they couldnt go. it was really stupid, like, SERIOUSLY. cause we had to come to school to collect our report books then go home. WHAT THE BLAH. waste my time. its not like i really wanna see my stupid report book or anything, its not appealing to me. AT ALL. ESPECIALLY, the results in it. so yes.

later i'm supposed to go study with lizzi and lissa at church cause we need to get started on our holiday homework. YEAP. i'm so hardworking aint I. AND YET, i still get shitty results. oh well, study harder, my best isnt good enough. okay, fine, its not my best, i'll try.

MATHS MATHS
CHEM CHEM
PHYSICS PHYSICS
AMATH AMATH
HISTORY HISTORY
SS SS
LIT LIT
CHINESE CHINESE
ENGLISH ENGLISH

LETS GO!

chemistry;

2008-05-19T22:35:00.002+08:00

I've looked back at the calander i've been using the past year,
its filled with activities that i've done.
Some have been erased and replaced, why?
Because i had a change of plan, something that cancelled alot of things.

But i rescheduled my calander, so now it looks fine.
Though my pencil leaves marks,
one cannot totally erase the evidence of it being there,
all i can do i try my best to erase it.
Though, it doesnt have to work, at least, not all the time.

I've had so much written in this calander,
i've created a routine for myself to follow,
no sleep ins, no disobeying anything, just follow it.
Yes, i've got my year planned out, organised,
but is this really what i want? Is this making me happy?

Is it purely because i feel safe?
Because i know everything's already planned?
Had i wanted to live like this? organised was cool.
Being organised made me feel smart. Made me feel human.

But despite all the planning, all the joy.
there had to be a holiday that had to screw things up,
that had to destroy my perfectly painted picture,
leaving me to replan everything,
now, disorganised it better.

yet I said;

2008-05-15T21:39:00.002+08:00

oh man, i'm absolutely exhausted from working the whole day. After one whole day of checking of papers, we councillors had to do up decorations for fiesta, and get everything ready. So tired now, its taking me alot of effort to write this. I got home about an hour ago, some other councillors are staying in school till later. Poor them. Oh well, i DO hope its gonna be a success, this IJ fiesta.

OH yes, and also, i'm doing first shift at the foam party. (ohh, funn) and second shift at haunted house. COME PEOPLE. well, technically, i'm supposed to be doing the haunted house WITH marrissa, but oh, yes, some people have to do a corperate video, leave me all alone to man that stall, great stuff. I cant wait to see how many people scream their life away in the haunted house. just cant wait. haha. seeing as i'm not going in.

anyway, i'm gonna go sleep like, pretty soon. cause i'm seriously tired out of my mind, and i DO need some rest. seriously. night people. ciao.

lock and key;

2008-05-13T22:15:00.002+08:00

absolutely thought I was coming to school to check papers, thats why I was trying to mentally prepare myself. But, no, we had some retarded metal tooling. Embossing designs on aluminium sheets (shit, haha) which were nice as they were, and then we had to spread paint all over it, to ruin the nice work. yeah.

but anyway, we spent ALL, and i do mean all, the time after recess from 11.30 to 1.30 in the hall listening to TJN talk. actually, she only talked till like, 12 thereabout, asked us to dicuss the netball thing as a class, then left us to die in the hall. at LEAST there was aircon cause i was absolutely bored out of my mind. Lizzi had some meeting with all the netball people so i walked around school with lissa. haha. we had our share of fun.

after school i went to 3/3's class to help them paint their boxes for IJ fiesta. i'm so nice la! HAHA. anyway, yes. then i went for some meeting with the school counsellor. She was giving some girls the talk about "MY SPACE" in school, and helping the people in school with their work, those who are lonely to be their friend, so there's this room, dedicated for all that. its pretty cool.

after that, went to TP hub, kofu to eat lunch with lissa and mars, lizzi went to meet some person, then she came later. and after out lunch, we left for church, suprisingly mars wants to go for mass. i mean, the world never ceases to suprise me. never expected mars to go for mass willingly on a weekday. not that i really especially loved mass, but you know, get the point.

came home, i was SO tired, you wouldnt believe it. mars's mom sent us home, i bathed, went online, ate dinner, read a bit, and while WAITING for joshua to sms, since he said he would to tell me something, i fell asleep. that was about 8.20? and when i woke up 2 hours later. still no sms. haha. (kidding joshua.) anyway, now that i'm wide awake, i cant sleep, maybe i should read, THEN i'll fall asleep again.

so, i shall attempt to do that again.
CIAO.

crush crush crush;

2008-05-11T15:52:00.002+08:00

so hello people. happy mother's day?
i dont think my mom really enjoyed mother's day since my brothers made her angry. idiots, the pair of them. but oh well, thats what brothers are for. went for mother's day lunch with my entire family, relatives and all. wow, we ate at clarke quay (pronnounced and key NOT kuay), at some restaurant. the food was awesome la. but the lunch was like, 7 or 8 courses. wow, talk about being full.

i was like, asking my mom if i could buy an Ipod if i saved up for it, and she said yes! then i told my brother, marc to go get me and Ipod cause i wanted it. didnt know he'd take it literally. he's SO SWEET! he started counting how long he'd take to save up just to buy my Ipod. SWEET LA! i love him. then i told him i was joking, and he said "nevermind la, i buy for you." WAH. SO CUTE. aww, didnt expect my brothers to be so sweet. or, brother, rather.

so yeah. oh man, i'm tired. oh yes, and if it rains or somehow tennis is cancelled, i'm gonna go cycling with lizzi, lissa and marrissa if she ever gets over her fear of the bicycle. haha.
ANYWAY, (haha, joshua)

YESTERDAY.

went for cat class and we had a party cause i think it was the last single lesson till the june camp. so yeah. then went to watch "broadway beng" oh gosh. i hated every single bit of it. EVERY SINGLE bit. it was so SUSHI-ING crude and it was all in hokkien, so obviously i didnt understand any of it. waste of time, seriously. i just sat there and watched the actor and actresses move around the stage. didnt even bother to listen. because i was really kinda annoyed, crude jokes were NOT funny. annoyed me even more than ever.

basically, it wasnt an enjoyable show. oh yes, i'm kinda tired, so i shall sleep for like, 15 minutes. cause apparently tennis isnt cancelled, YET at least. i hope it gets cancelled. suddenly dont feel like playing. i wanna take extra tennis lessons other than sunday, i dont feel like i'm improving, so yeah. I wanna take like, intensive or something. just, more than what i'm doing now.

not a single tear;

2008-05-07T22:30:00.002+08:00

YOHA BROHA.
today was lit. it was, well, tiring to say the least. i hope i can pass my unseen prose cause like, i didnt have enough time. and yeah, i only wrote one side for the unseen prose part (ii) so nonsense la! and i see everyone asking for extra paper when i have one extra on my table. wow, it scares me sometimes. like, "what do they have to write!?"

moving on with life, at least its over. and now the last paper is Amath. man, i seriously suck at Amath. stayed back after lit to study with lissa, i agree with lizzi, i need to chill. there's this thing about me. if i cant get something simple with numerous explanations, i'll get really annoyed with myself and especially when i dont understand it. colin and joshua'd know. lizzi too, just that she hasnt seen me annoyed, yet.

OMG. you know, cause lizzi had to go meet this person at city hall so lissa and I went to buy lunch for ourselves and her. I'M TELLING YOU. that woman at subway cant HEAR ME. I told her i wanted a HEARTY ITALIAN 6 inch. she just gave me ITALIAN. okay, saw that, nevermind, i dont mind italian. THEN, i told her honey mustard and chipotle southwest. she gave me MAYONISE and chipotle. OMG. talk about a pissing off day la.

went to church, nicholas and joshua nah kept asking lizzi,lissa and I to go into the room that was open but we went into another room anyway, cause we wanted to get away from them, but NO, they had to take their bags and plot themselves in the room we were in. SERIOUSLY. can things get any worst? got simultaneous wrong again. in church. pissing me off only. the fact that its simple does not help things at all.

went for mass, stayed in church to guess some stupid riddle nicholas wrote in chinese. CHINESE I TELL YOU. like how the hell am i supposed to know? came home, ate grapes and jelly for dinner, watched some of happy tree friends, bathed, did math and now i'm here. okay people see you some other time, i shall go now.

i'm tired

2008-05-06T15:40:00.002+08:00

tired of having to pretend i like you,
tired of trying to keep this up,
tired of doing things with you,
tired of being around you.

i cant keep up this pretence,
you've get on my nerves easily these days,
you are so out, cant you feel it?
maybe my patience has grown short.

i'm tired of reading what you write,
tired of you being so unresponsive, so hostile.
why cant you try to be friendly?
i'm not your puppet. stop invading my life.

do you know how annoyed you make me?
dont you ever think before you say something?
has it crossed your mind that they are my friends?
if you dont respect them, you dont respect me.

maybe i'm thinking too much,
maybe the mocking bird will keep me occupied.
maybe even if you read this, you wont know its you.
maybe, this friendship will slowly end,
maybe it'll dry up like a rasin in the sun.

WAR GUILT!

2008-05-04T22:04:00.002+08:00

so today has been an okay day. nothing much that happened, nothing that kept me capivated or what nots. woke up about lets say, 7.50? then washed up and went to church at about 8.25 cause i had CL duty. only person there when i arrived was larissa, so i started doing math. needed something to occupy time la. not that i got far anyway, it was Amath.

had mass, i'm so sorry lizzi! (i kinda, didnt listen to her when she told me stop doing math. heh) cause i was supposed to be doing duty, BUT i was in the MIDDLE of a freaking problem sum! i mean, i cant stop in the CENTRE! so yeah. bad bad. after mass, went down to the canteen to do more math cause i had to wait for rachel to finish her exco meeting anyway. she was gonna tuition me maths, which turned out to be history.

learned quite alot from her on history, she should SO go write a history textbook! she's really pretty interesting too. so yeah, went home about 3 plus, ate lunch, studied more of history and taught my brother maths. they made the EXACT SAME mistake as joshua. i think its a st. pats thing. add before multiplying.

okay, i SHOULD be sleeping now.
GOODNIGHT YALL

"drama queen"

2008-05-03T13:34:00.002+08:00

so, i'm really supposed to be revising history now, but ah, i really really dont wanna. i know i should and i did, a little. i mean, seriously, i cant study history, ask my study anything BUT history la. okay, fine i'm gonna study after this post, happy. urgh. hate history, why the hell must i go remember some stupid facts about history, why the hell would i want to know about stalin at all?

but anyway, my "emo" phase has passed and i'm pretty much back to normal now. sometimes i really think too much into things, well i didnt for that particular thing, BUT, i guess i have to put in more effort into the friendship huh. i've left for too long, i'm sorry. i know you need my support more than i need yours. sorry i've been such a prick. i'll try to be a happy kid for you :) maybe you'll be a happy kid too!

oh ya, i'm supposed to go to church at 3 to help lissa with chem, redox. oh well, i feel useful now. at least this is something that i can teach someone and without them turning the tables around to teach me instead. ah, actually, we'll have to see first, cause i havent even taught her anything yet, so ya.

oh yes, please please, dont run away. what will I do without you! seriously, maybe i'm being selfish by asking you to not run away cause of me, but yeah, not good to have that idea in your head in the first place. you're too dear to me for me to lose you. DONT OKAY. everything HAS a solution. think twice. you wont even know where to go after you run away right! or do you?

hahah. anyway, i really should get down to studying soon, spent the morning at IMH playing with this little girl. she's quite cute. we played monopoly with her. BEN! DONT BECOME A COLIN. heh. you should have seen ben's face when i told him he was becoming colin. his face said something like "OMG. YOU CANT BE SERIOUS!" super funny.

OKAY HISTORY, here i come.

for better or for worst

2008-05-01T19:58:00.002+08:00

HELLO ALL!

jaime says we should all be happy people and you know, she kept saying that there isnt any suffering in the world, only pain. but, i disagreed, saying that you can only suffer when people care, just like how jesus suffered and died for us on the cross. now, i'm in a rather thoughtful mood, like i can really think about stuff with a perspective.

so yeah, i just finished eating dinner, and before that, i was in the shower. wanna know a strange thing about the shower just now? the water was salty. i mean, not like i was bathing in salt water, but i could taste the salty-ness of the water. and i was being, thoughtful. haha. i mean, i started thinking about stuff since 6. why everything happened. why, why, why.

i started thinking about why it happened, of course, i knew the real reason why, but i also knew there was more than one reason for this to happen. and i thought that once it was over, I would have more time. i was wrong. you said it was part of God's plan, that we're drifting, maybe it is, i just cant believe that I had this, hope in me, telling me that it would work. i was delusional. emo? maybe i am. but not the slit wrist emo, i wouldnt do that.

thing have happened. i dont believe jaime man! she keeps telling me to be happy, actually, she tells everyone. her pm was something about why people arent happy, and i told her it was cause people yearned the concern they'd get when they arent happy. and thats the truth, i think. dont you agree? why would you be sad? because something inside of you KNOWS that when you're unhappy, people'd care. or at least, thats what i'd think.

i kept thinking it'd work,
i thought that was the reason we werent so close,
maybe i was delusional,
it was part of God's plan.
maybe we were just not meant to be so close,
fine, i'll give you that.
I just cant come to terms with myself that,
there was this hope that it would work.
It cant now,
not because I dont want it to,
but becausem you told me it would.
i wont push it.

that human touch

2008-04-30T22:24:00.002+08:00

OMG. i'm so gonna die la. i mean, for my ss exam, i totally screwed up. BAH. i mean i didnt really remeber much, and i really, REALLY couldnt concentrate during the exam. everytime i stopped to think about what to write about the government, my mind would drift to something else. and i would lose focus. man, i really should learn to focus. ARGH.

anyway, then i stayed in school for about another 2 hours to help lissa with her maths work. i mean, not that i was of much help, but i DID manage to revise my work in the process of being lissa's slave. guessed i'd revised some of the maths that i should ALREADY KNOW, but still am clueless about. my maths sucks. totally la. even Emaths is difficult for me now.

went home then, took 72 as usual. i kinda skipped out on lunch cause i ate mee goreng in school. (if thats how you spell mee goreng) yeah, while i was doing maths, and me teeth hurt. MAN, it still hurts. cause i just tightened my braces on monday. then went to the park and, cleared out the clouds out of my life. now my life's clear as day. no more mist. (GO FIGURE)

NOW.
i went to church and just came back from mass, which was suprisingly, interesting to me. i paid attention to mass! AND i didnt even check my watch ONCE during mass. COOL RIGHT. heh. but whatever man. i'm home, and i'm beat. well, tomorrow, labour day, i'm gonna? study, yes so clever. i wonder how you figured!-.-

GOODNIGHT WORLD.
STAY ALIVE

10 year series

2008-04-27T21:26:00.002+08:00

OH NO. you know, i should SO be mugging and all, cause exams are SO close. but i only managed to study physics today. i dont really enjoy studying history and ss as much as sciences. actually, i dont like studying anything else other than sciences. like, i dont really like math much, seeing as i keep failing. it sucks you know. to just keep failing. time after time.

fall, get up, heal.
fall, get up, healing, fall.
fall, get up, fall.
fall, getting up, fall.
fall, dont get up.

oh yes. i bought the physics 1o year series today. and dont you find it odd? like, it says series, but its not really like, a series. i mean, whenever i think of series, i think of sequel? i think of continuation? but oh heck, it doesnt really matter does it? no matter. its physics. speaking of physics. i need help, yeah, maybe, BUT, lissa, i want to go for tuition for the RIGHT REASONS. and i mean, like, NOT to have an ulterior motive.

yes, lissa. I unlike you, do things for the right reason. (or do i?) i'm confused. utterly confused and muddled. so that means, i'm confuddled. and please dont quote my blog (yes, that means you colin) and read it out to me to ask me what i mean. get it? good for you. dont get it? too bad. its for you to go figure. not for me to explain what it means to you.

i liked today's homily from father mike. the poem was great. and it was inspiring, i guess, in a way.(its written in lizzi's blog too)

For every pain we must bear,
for every burden, for every care,
there’s a reason.

for every grief that bows the head
for every teardrop that is shed,
there’s a reason.

For every hurt, for every plight,
for every lonely, pain-racked night,
there’s a reason.

But if we trust God, as we should,
it will turn out for our good.
Because He knows the reason.

So, there's a reason for everything now. therefore, i shouldnt blame God for anything that happens to me, because there IS a reason.

start.
stage lights are on, on stage left, a girl emerges.
she is alone on stage.
curtain closes.
silence. there's no audience.
end.

jaime told me that in my life i dont have problems, only challenges. cool huh. makes a whole lot of sense. GOSH. i dont know WHAT i'll do without her.

first person narrative.

2008-04-24T21:46:00.002+08:00

I felt an uncomfortable ray of light on my face, but i didnt want to open my eyes.

"sushi" i thought to myself.

It was too early to wake up, and i was exhausted. I wondered then, if anyone could die from lack of sleep. I checked my watch. 5.47am.

"its still early" i groaned, and rolled over to sleep again.

My dad walked out of the room. I'm not supposed to wake up till 6am and thats 13 minutes of sleeping time wasted. Calculative for first thing in the morning, i know, but i was annoyed, disgruntled that i had to wake up so early. I tried quite successfully to sleep, but had to get up again at 6 to wash up. It took me 17 minutes to get in and out of the toilet, washed, cleaned and changed. As i packed my bag, i felt the first hint of panic reached me.

"oh no, today is the English paper"

I went down for breakfast and found my fuel for today was pancakes. I was quite contented, that is, till i saw the honey syrup, which was infested with dead ants, floating inside it. I refused to use the honey, so i went to take the other bottle. On the way to school, the car was quiet. The only sounds i heard was coming from my brother, playing his handphone. I tried to catch up on my loss of sleep, but the panic had not escaped me yet, and I had things on my mind. The English letter writing format, i didnt even look at it, I was willing myself to remember what I learnt last year. Blank.

The beginning of school was a blur for me, everyone was cramming in last minute things. Reciting the format, and somehow i felt irritated by those people who were trying to correct my mistakes, before i could correct them myself. It annoyed me. Then, 7.55am came, and I was already in class, seated, and waiting for the paper to be given out. When the paper was in front of me however, the topics didnt ring a bell at all. I didnt have any idea how to start, so i chose the topic "ambitions".

My composition was about this young boy who had many ambitions because his teacher told him that it was good to have ambitions. He had ambitions for the wrong reasons though, he thought it was cool, he thought others would envy him, he wanted to be famous, he wanted to impress a girl, then, he finally found the ambition he wanted all along, which was to be a teacher. I thought my composition was a bit queer, in every new paragraph, I stated his ambition. So it sounded like this,

She told me her ambition since young was to be a teacher, and thats where she is now.
My ambition was to be an astronaut.
My ambition was to be a soccer player.
My ambition was to be a loan shark.
My ambition was to be a boxing champion.
My ambition was to be a doctor.
My ambition was to be a teacher, and thats where I am now.

I had about 15 minutes left till time was up, so i reread through my essay and situational writing. I couldnt do much in that little time left. We had a short break, recess, before continuing our other section of the paper, comprehension, which ironically, i didnt comprehend much. I had half an hour till time, so i slept. Time was soon up, and I left school with my friends, Lizzi, Lissa and Mars. Time spent with them, was time I didnt want to escape. Mars had to return her borrowed library books, so we followed her there, talking and laughing all the way.

I was at home, and ate lunch more out of a habit than because I was hungry. I told myself i would sleep for a while, before starting to study. That was the worst thing i could have told myself. I slept for an hour, and when i woke, I rushed to bathe, so i could start my work. I was more productive at home than I would be at church. I finished one chapter of Social Studies and I felt rather accomplished as I dont usually have the motivation to study much.

The rest of the day, from 6.30 onwards, after I finished studying, was spent online. I wasnt in a good mood today, more of the fact that things were clouding my mind, things that never would have been there lest I kept quiet.

"Goodnight" I mumbled to my stuffed toy on my bed, and with that, I fell into great slumber.

bad ideas, flimsy thoughts;

2008-04-23T21:07:00.002+08:00

maybe, i shouldnt have done that. it was a first for me, and somehow or other, i kinda regret it. i dont know, i feel like i shouldnt have let you. its like, letting you in on the whole other part of me which no one knows. it doesnt feel right now, especially since it revolved around you. and, it seems like i was petty, jealous even. but thats not how i would describe it.

whatevs man, people.
i'm not emo. i mean, i never was.
somethings were best left unsaid.
maybe, unsaid forever.

should have thought through things more.

SUSHI. i love sushi, dont you?

to know what it feels like,

2008-04-22T22:02:00.002+08:00

i was just you know, reflecting on the day, i KNOW i'm supposed to be studying. i mean, seriously i know how much i need to do my studying and revising. but, i just dont have heart to study and all. okay, well i technically wasnt reflecting. reflecting makes it sound so serious. um, yeah i was thinking and all. random thoughts about the day. first of all, today isnt the kind of day i'd say was good. not really at all.

had an Emath test. guess what? i think i might just set a record. most number of failures for Emath. its NOT EVEN AMATH. and look at me, i'm failing. i just keep failing. keep forgetting what i need to remember. keep losing the understanding i USE to have about maths. its going, slowly, going, going. i feel like a sushi-ing failure ok. yeah, all of you will be like, "i've been through failure too, its not that bad, just pick yourself up" RIGHT? well, thats you. maybe i dont seem lik the kind of person, but i really DO care about my grades ok. maybe i appear like i dont care. but i do.

if i appeared like i cared all the time, my life'd be so miserable. i probably wouldnt be able to see half the time. cause the tears would be flooding my eyes. yeah. i know what you're thinking. "over such a small thing like grades, and you'd cry? what a loser" you know what? i sushi care ok. i dont care what you think. you can just stop reading my blog and sushi-ing go away. i DONT need your sympathy. no one knows how i feel.

i really dont think anyone really knows who i really am. yeah, i do tell my close friends stuff, but not about this. its so, trivial to talk about. urgh. i felt like such a, failure after the stupid test. and to think that the Emath exams are like, in a week or so. great stuff. you know what, i dont WANT to care. i cant sushi-ing remember ANY of the formulas. why? i dont know. maybe you should enlighten me. no, wait. you dont know what i'm going through, so dont try to enlighten me ok?

-------------------------------------------------------------

OH YOU KNOW. when i was bathing, i was thinking about love. i mean, like, what was my definition of love and stuff. but yeah, i couldnt come up with much. i still need to think about it more. cause, i dont think love is a feeling. i think its more of action? like, um, a sort of unspoken commitment you've made to someone. love is the little things that you do to make a person's life better i guess, if you're talking about love in general.

love is, asking every once in a while, to check if your friend is alright or not. if he/she is having any problems. love is, smiling, putting a brave front for your friends cause you know that they need your support more than you need theirs. love is, sacrifice. Love is eternal, just, at different degrees at different points. maybe you dont agree with me, but i think, that its cause you love your "enemies" so much, to care about them enough to hate them.

if you have never loved your enemies, how could you hate them? if that love was never there, how could there be hate? i dont know if i'm making any sense at all, but, i guess i am still young, and i've got alot to learn from life. so i cant say much about love now.

speaking of friends, after some thought,between having a best friend who's a guy and having a boyfriend, there's a rather thin line, dont you think? i dont know. if the definition of a best friend is a person who knows you better than you know yourself , it just means i dont have a best friend. dont get me wrong, i've got some pretty close friends, and i do tell them everything, but, somethings are, best left, um, untouched. if you get my drift.

you know, i keep reading chic flicks and envy those characters who are painted to have best friends who know them better than they know themselves. maybe its true that i dont let anyone close enough to know me better than i know myself. but some are pretty close. its just, some memories are best, left, just as they are, memories. after beating around the bush, i hope you get the message. if you dont, too bad.

music to our ears,

2008-04-19T23:29:00.002+08:00

the band girls were awesome! seriously. our band is so good now! well, at least, in my eyes, they'll always be the best band in the world. BRAVO IJ BAND! oh yes, the percussion was really cool too. they had this rendition which they composed by themselves. they really rocked. and i do mean by the literal sense of the word.

yeah, so i was assigned front desk to give out the programme booklets and hold the extra reserved tickets. there were a few funny scenarios but yeah, i'm really kinda tired to go remember them. so yeah. i do remember during intermission, nianci was being annoying. cause she was standing next to me and acting like an usher too. so she stood there and just said "usher, usher, usher, you have just been ushered" so lame la. she was the only cellist, which is quite cool.

but anyway, earlier today i didnt do much, so i felt like a failure, as usual. cause i didnt do much, and i woke up late. went for cat class and it was pretty much screwed. well cause george didnt bring the powerpoint, so yeah. aunty cecilia was quite pissed at him. and all he could do was sit there and smile. i felt like *does the slapping action* his face. URGH. some group leader.

okay, i shall go to sleep, oh yes, i just remebered that i was supposed to be on hiatus, so bye. haha.

finally, chance.

2008-04-18T21:49:00.002+08:00

hello people. today, was a rather, um. speedy day. for me at least it was. school passed pretty fast, and then wow, the whole day's over. i guess i reflect alot more in my actual diary. yes, i actually DO have a diary. you guys didnt honestly think that what i wrote here is entirely true is it? its on the freaking web! for the world to see! why'd i actually write, so much of truth?

yeah. okay. i suppose i could say good luck to the band girls. cause they're performing. tonight. they'd probably finished their performance by now, but tomorrow they're performing again. cool right? okay. right now, my post is content-less cause i kinda wrote it in my diary.

okay okay. how about, i ate at subway and went to J8 with lizzi so she could go buy her lollipop for someone's birthday. went for mass, blah blah. i've completely loss the interest for blogging now. shoot. oh well, i'll be on hiatus for awhile. maybe when the excitement of blogging comes back, i'll be back, so BYE ALL.

HIATUS.

what the sushi?

2008-04-17T18:46:00.002+08:00

okay okay. before i start anything, i should give you a definition. or whatever you call it. since i'm a good girl, i shant use F***, but i need something to replace it. so, i've decided on the word sushi. yeap. F*** = sushi

anyway, i dont know why. i have no motivation to study whatsoever. i just cant do anything. i was like, staring into space just now, not even thinking about anything. i was like, stoning. and i cant study. i cant even do anything properly. i dont know why. urgh. i need to focus. especially since exams are like, in 2 weeks. oh no.

anyway, dont know what the sushi is wrong with me. nowadays, i'm so moody so fast. oh yes, and i do agree with lizzi. everyone's changing in sec3. i dont know if its just me, but loads of people seem more annoying/irritating. it sushi-ing pisses me off ok. i'm trying. i'm trying to control my temper, maybe keep it in, so that i wont seem unreasonable. but no, it comes to a point where i cant take it anymore.

maybe you're right lissa. maybe i've developed a phobia of ______. because of that one incident. things happen for a reason, and actually im glad that happened. i really know what kind of a person you are now. who am i kidding. i'll never tell you anything ever again. and to think i trusted you. okay, so i'm supposed to be nice to everyone, but that just isnt possible. i cant do it. i'm human too, and there are just somethings that i cant stand.

shit. i'm not changing am i? i dont want to. okay, maybe i want to grow up and be a better person, but i dont wanna change for the worst. things are happening so rapidly around me. it feels like shutters, open. close. open. close. its that fast. its like lightning. its like, that. feels like a magic trick. makes you feel good, sure. wow, its magic. one minute its here, the next its gone. but you know its never gone, just the stupid magician you gawk at, playing tricks on your eyes.

MAGIC. i've always wanted to be able to do magic. i've always wanted such things as magic to be actually real. i dont know. maybe it seems really dumb. but hey, i think magic is cool and i guess, it gives me the idea that i'm in more control over my life? okay. right, this is utter rubbish so you dont need to listen to me if you dont want to. its nothing important. i just need to write something out.

OH. yes. there's something else that i like doing now. i like writting letters. i dont know why either. maybe i feel the need to explain part of my life to the people i owe explanations to. but of course, i need to find a reason to write a letter lah. unless you like writting letters for fun, which was what i did in sec1. and i loved recieving letters. just this sudden craving for writing. AND i suddenly like chem. maybe its cause i actually understand redox. makes me feel good.

okay, maybe i should go attempt physics now. i'm an absolute failure. i only managed the first chapter yesterday, which is ONLY on measurements. i'm not even into anything difficult yet. oh no, i'm dead. okay, i better go. i'm just delaying my study time.

CIAO PEOPLE.
and stay happy. (sorry i'm such a hypocrite)

all we've been through;

2008-04-16T21:48:00.002+08:00

i dont know whats wrong with me these days, i get annoyed really easily. like super fast. over the smallest most stupid things. i'm annoyed at people. i'm annoyed at myself, i dont know whats happening to me now. i dont know what it is that i'm feeling. i dont know if its stress, i dont know if i'm feeling trapped. i dont know.i feel like i'm in some fog, its so misty and i cant find my way out. all i see is white. am i in heaven? no, i dont think so, if i am in heaven, why do i still feel the pain. the aching thats making me feel like i'm in hell?

i see colours. so many of them, flying across my face. she's colouring. but she cant find the right colour that she wants.
red. nope, throw.
blue. nope, throw.
pink. nope, throw.
yellow. yes, she continues to colour. when she'd done, she realises the floor's littered with crayons. the white walls are colourful. she looks at me and smiles.

i dont want to stop here and now. lately i've been feelig rather, crappy. but i realised that i can study better with this mood. no idea why. maybe cause i tend to pay more attention. and i realised, the way i numb myself is by studying. and by some other way, but yeah. you dont need to know that. maybe i should go study physics. got math in it too. need more concentration, yeap thats it. now i know why i keep failing math.

magic spells;

2008-04-15T21:42:00.003+08:00

you know, i really thought today would be a happy day, i was obviously wrong. so many things happened. well, school was way better than after that. i've got so much to say about my day. but no, i wont say why i'm feeling like this. its, i really, dont want to talk about it. its, too much. i'm sorry all. my mood isnt one for blogging. i... just, cant.

maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

oh, P.S. i was never really a fan of wet pillows, but i guess it'll do for now. it'll cool me down. like someone told me, at least i'll have my stuff toys. even if they dont comfort me, they're always there for me.

next to midnight.

2008-04-13T23:26:00.002+08:00

well, not really next to midnight, but okay. i've got superly good new, but i'm not supposed to say it. well, okay, maybe not good news, but i think it is.

JAIME OWES ME LUNCH :) yes! i won the bet. see jaime. I TOLD SO. haha. i'm so happy for jaime. (i'm a happy kid, are you a happy kid?) jaime, dont be afraid to try ya? dont assume that it'll turn out like the last time. WHOO. jaime, i wanna eat sushi. (trying to get the best of the bet *wiggles eyebrows* )

OH OH OH. and well, other good news too. but (my lips are sealed). anyway, its kinda late, and since there's 2 sides to a coin, good things happen, but not so good things happen as well. and you know who you are. cheer up friend. everything happens for a reason. i know you're going through a tough time, but be strong. (i know you are)

"no one's worth your tears, those who are wont make you cry"

in contrast,

2008-04-13T19:31:00.002+08:00

today was supposed to be a "sad" day. well, okay, it sure felt like it in the morning. i mean after mass/CL and all, when i was at the hospital with my grandmother. i hope she'll be alright. and i hope to God that he'll answer my prayers. but anyway, the doctor says she's fine, just need to check that fracture and see how. only time will tell, right?

but okay, so i bought new school shoes today, NORTH STAR. well, it looks bulky, and well, it looks alright from the side, but looks weird from the top. AND, i have to wear my socks higher, cause the cutting is higher. URGH. not like my socks ARENT high enough ok! like, those who know me can vouch. like lissa says, she cant meet my high expectations. cause yeah, you know. high socks, high belt. not funny lissa.

but anyway, so we went to NTUC bought some stuff for the house. and then i went home. i kinda, changed to shorts and t-shirt. then, i told myself that i was going to sleep for 15minutes and then start studying for math, but, yeah. didnt happen. i slept all the way till 5. from about 3. MAN, i'm such a pig. haha.

then later, something happened. i bet you all are wondering what happened lah. but nah uh, i'm not saying. its something that made me really really happy. you do not know what can make you feel this way man. but yes, i'm absolutely happy now, no words can describe it. but of course, i know who you all will guess, NOPE. WRONG. haha. i feel happy. really happy. ELATED, EXHILARATED. yes! thanks.

oh yes, i should start studying for math soon. maybe i'll go bug colin to teach me again. ok, technically i didnt bug him to teach me the last time, he offered. so, yeah. maybe he'll be nice and offer again. then i dont need to ask.

p.s. colin, are you reading this? get the hint? haha. i dont wanna wake up at 3am. please..

thoughts, words, deeds,

2008-04-12T23:13:00.002+08:00

GUESS WHAT!? TODAY WE HAD OUR 2.4 KM RUN. fun huh. NOT. but whatever, i just planed to pass, thats all. nothing much, it doesnt really bother me if i got a gold/silver/bronze. its just pft anyway. no big deal. i woke up at, um, 6.30am. thats EARLY OK! considering the time i slept last night. slept at friggin 1.40am. in the morning. some people were depriving me of my sleep. haha.

but thats besides the point, so after we had nafa, lizzi, lissa, mars and i took a cab to IMH. well, mars and I got off at IMH and lizzi and lissa got off at compass. cause mars and I have this service project at IMH and we all wanted to have lunch together. but after IMH, when we were supposed to have lunch, turns out lizzi and lissa were full, so only mars and I ate lunch. Lizzi was kinda escaping tuition so she asked us to spend more time at compass.

eventually she didnt go anyway. i went home, took a shower and tried to study redox. well, um. it didnt really turn out ... erm, heh, cause i fell asleep halfway through the chapter. WHAT! I WAS TIRED! i slept late ok! so anyway, by the time i woke up, it was time for cat class alr so i just grabbed my stuff and left. my dad was going on and on to my brothers about responsibility, it was, SO ANNOYING. but i bore with it.

had cat class, which was, rather, um, interesting. DARYL CHNG WAS SUANING ME! why. he's my teacher AND he keeps asking me to answer questions. just keeps arrowing me huh. "so celeste, what are you views on dating" NOT FUNNY DARYL. but oh well, at least it was interesting to keep me awake and stop looking at my watch.

came home, my relatives were over. talked abit, and val, my cousin, taught me REDOX. so i understand now. HA! take THAT mrs selvum. just because you dont want to teach because of a little misunderstanding, doesnt mean i cant learn it somewhere else. i still REFUSE to say 'sorry' to her because it WASNT our fault. she's so petty, seriously. maybe we were told to say it? no, she doesnt think that, all she thinks of is that we're so rude to talk back to her without getting our facts right.

nope, no apologies to you. unless i'm at fault, i'm not going to say sorry. ESPECIALLY to a teacher. why? because saying sorry will make them think whatever they're doing to the students is right and they'll continue to treat us this way. get this right, you're TEACHERS, you're human, what makes you think you're perfect? that it must be US thats at fault. you're so snobbish, i'm sorry. this is what i think.

i could go on and on about her, but why spoil the post right? i just needed to inform you people about these ridiculous teachers. oh, and something, well, something happened. i'm not about to tell the world, but those people who need to know, know. so yeah. i really hope she's alright, i cant lose her. i probably cant stand the idea of losing someone i love. sigh.

uhuh, life's like this.

love is patient;

2008-04-09T21:45:00.002+08:00

Patience. thats something that i pray to God that i'll have. okay, so maybe whatever's happening is, God's giving me the chance to be patient, but no, thats not it. i dont know why, but people just keep pissing me off. why, because you're so condescending. yes, you. i cant stand that tone, i know you're trying not to be, but your insults are ever flowing and its directed at people whom i know. people whom i care for MORE than you. i could say i hate you, but no, i'm learning, to forgive, to be patient.

i do believe that things happen for a reason. things are flying way out of control, i dont know whats going on anymore, and i dont know how so many people got involved in this. stop acting like you're the stronger one, okay. just stop it. you're acting like we have to beg YOU so that no one would get hurt. lets face it, you're not. so stop acting like you are. its annoying and its pushing my patience out of bounds.

whatever man. its taking up too much of my time. i'm supposed to be studying lit now, but i just finished math, which i'm sure is wrong. rah. today wasnt a good day for me, its kinda like, sucked. lessons were, draggy and well, its the last choir practice before exams. which means that the exams are dangerously close, now thats, scary. i keep failing math. HOW on earth am i going to pass it? pft, school.

even though my life seems really out of proportion, i know there are people worst off than me, so i really should stop complaining so much. each time i do, i feel so selfish. like i cant get enough of life. of course, everyone wants things to go their way, but i still strongly believe everything happens for a reason, so i'll just let it be. stop complaining celeste!

i'm just looking for that silver lining in my overcast life, you are my silver lining. though my life is overcast, i still can carry on, maybe there'll be blue skies up ahead, no point staying here and moaning. so come on friends, we can do it :)

this silver lining, the one that i've been waiting for.

Lissa wants special mention, so here you are. you're in my post :) haha. okay, okay,i know. you're a great friend, and i mean it. (happy now?)

black hole;

2008-04-07T20:14:00.003+08:00

sometimes i feel really selfish, like i keep wanting my way, and i never really think of others. i mean, i've always known that i was selfish, but i never really understood how much. i guess it took me sometime to understand how selfish i was. in the literal sense, like, i keep wanting things to go my way, and sometimes, not caring how the other party feels. i'm sorry. just, thought of it suddenly and realised it all of a sudden.

finished reading new moon today, its not bad, except for the fact edward wasnt in it. he would make THE perfect boyfriend, seriously. you have NO idea what kind of a boyfriend he'd be. just go read twilight, you'd fall for him for sure. anyway, i'm going to borrow eugenia's eclipse! i wanna know what happens to bella in the end. ohhh. exciting much.

so today was, rather, okay. i love mondays, but today was kinda plain, not the usual exciting monday that i have. whatever. ms mara was being pretty cool. i sort of, like history now. well, at least for this chapter, its MUCH more interesting than the previous chapter about treaties, that was, well, history. anyway, i went for dental today! now my braces are red black, alternated. haha, it looks weird i'll admit, shoulnt have chosen thoses colours.

OH. i still havent drawn my person for the friendship day thing yet. oh no! okay i better go do it. AND i still havent studied for chem test on friday, i read through the chapter on atomic bonding, but i still need to study more. kay, i'll do my work before sleeping. PROMISE! i have to do the paper person. its for 3/2! hehe.

"its suffocating, like i cant breath,
i've called to ask for your help,
you just walked away,
i'm drowing in my sorrows,
i thought you were my friend,
but now i know that i'm wrong"
lets be best friends, forever

pizza if you please;

2008-04-04T23:20:00.002+08:00

so today wasnt some super exciting day or what nots, but i feel really quite happy today. i have no idea why, but i just do. its like, this super, "WOW" feeling. i dont know. maybe cause its the end of the week and we dont have school for 2 days, but somehow i dont think thats the reason for me being so happy. ANYWAY.

so school was rather, okay i guess. ended the week with chem like always and then i had to go for PSL session. AND we ordered pizza for the class, but only about 15 people turned up. *gives the whatever face* its the last PSL session, and if you dont want to come, i cant do much about it. i know some of you didnt want to go for it, so you just skipped it. whatever, i'm sorry, but its not like i love doing this PSL thingy you know.

and cause of that, i CANT BELIEVE we bought the class pizzas. and spent money on people who dont care at all about respect. whatever. it was a dissapointment. i thought better of the class, but i guess i was wrong.

"life can be a barrel of dissapointments, sometimes"

ANYWAY, after PSL session ended, i rushed home, got bathe and changed into this dress i bought in italy and then went out with my brothers to meet my mom for dinner before going for the St. Pat's band concert. it was fantastic! well, the whole band sounded really good, and i wont say much about the sec2s &3s cause they were good too. just, not the best they can be yet. OH YEAH. at the end of the concert we had to sing the St Pats school song, which was retarded. the patricians in the audience only knew how to shout "ah". really retarded.

but i enjoyed myself obviously. haha. i saw peter and joshua on stage. AND my brothers were falling asleep during the concert and they said it was boring. i gave them the "wth, you're in band and you're saying this is boring" look. haha. anyway, i should go to sleep now, ciao people. dont dream too much :)

anything but ordinary;

2008-04-03T20:26:00.002+08:00

hey yall. so this week has been, rather good so far. i mean, nothing much has happened. and today's no exception. well, i started the day with school singers and assembly la la la, ms teo told a few of us not to lean on the wall while standing up where the school singers always stand. OH and i had some lo mai kai thingy for breakfast. it wasnt half bad, really.

had chinese, and cathy was absent so i sat alone, while lao shi was asking us if anyone was interested to join this breaking records thing. like, see how many IJ girls can fit into one van. haha! its quite cool, and they'll film you doing it too. its organised by mediacorp or something. but i'll give it a pass, i'm not really interested. after chinese was, hmm, OH YEAH. chem. wow, it never ceases to make my fall asleep at least once in class. i'm sorry mrs selvum! but, its really really boring. or at least, thats what i think.

double math and i have an Amath test tomorrow. brilliant. i dont even know how to do surds! i mean, we were in italy while they were learning it. AND log is REALLY DIFFICULT. i'm struggling to cope here! *sigh* i know everyone else is struggling too, but, i might just suffocate. no matter, i can deal with it. after math was our, SUPER LONG RECESS!

and for that, i love mrs selvum! cause she told us during chem that mdm yu, our english teacher was absent, she would be taking over her 2 free periods. and she told us that since we were having our PFT today, she'd give us extra time for recess so we could eat a good meal (lunch) cause we couldnt possibly eat just before PFT. our recess was like, 50 minutes man! WHOOOO!!

so after our long recess, we went back to class for, chem. yet again. its not something i enjoy much, but at least i was much more, alive after recess. jessica was, sleeping in chem, yet again. its her daily routine. and yet, she still scores. i dont know how. anyway, after that, we had lit, it was boring. could put me to sleep. then ms mara came in for SS. she let us watch this terrorist bomber video about this woman who planted a bomb in herself so she could kill others.

i found it really quite hilarious, cause she only killed, 2 people. wow right. if i were her, i'd choose somewhere more crowded and bring down more people. haha. but its not like i'd want to become a suicide bomber. its really dumb, those people i want to kill arent worth my life! but anyway, after school we had PFT and well, i didnt do as well as i'd have liked, but its better than last year, well most of it.

Shuttle run: 11.51 secs (B)
Sit Ups: 35 -once i got an A, i stopped trying, haha (A)
Standing Broad Jump: 175cm (B)
Sit & Reach: 38cm (D)
Inclined pull ups: 5 -yeap, i know what you're thinking, i do suck at it(E)

SO, how's your day been? i went for mass after PFT with lizzi and lissa, cause mars's dad picked her up from TP hub. and met joshua nah and nicholas there. went for mars and lissa's nice mummy gave both lizzi and I a lift home.

"at the end of the day, i'll still love you for who you are"

why oh why?

2008-03-30T22:45:00.003+08:00

i sometimes can really hate myself, i really dont know whats wrong with me. i really wished that i had never come to this church, never been so sociable. i'm sorry, i know tonight i just too much for you to handle. thats why i never told you these kind of things before. its not you, seriously, its just me. i dont know whats up with me.

what i said tonight wasnt entirely true, i mean, yes, part of it was, but i dont hate you okay, its just that the feelings were fading, and i thought that it would dissappear or something, but no, its still here. dont ignore me okay? i think that'd be so depressing. i'll tell you everything starting from the beginning to explain everything that i said, i promise. just give me one chance to explain the stuff, then you can hate me. i know its stupid, but its true. i still love you.

if its forgiveness,

2008-03-30T15:40:00.002+08:00

today has got to be one of the worst days in my life, okay, maybe i'm exaggerating, but i really could have broken down, but, no, i'm strong. i cant break down for every little thing, thats just beyond stupid. but i'm really fine now, i wont say happy, but i'm still okay. lets analyse my day so far.

so i woke up, feeling like crap. i felt like i had a hangover or something. (not that i've ever had a hangover, but you know, i read) my throat was really painful, and i had the flu, STILL. yeah, i didnt feel too good but my mom woke me up, this was at about 7.50am thereabouts. so when i finally got out of bed, it was about 8? yeah.

THEN, i recieved a message. when i saw who it was from, a part of me was happy that he'd finally decided to talk to me again, but a part of me was angry, okay, i wouldnt say angry, i'd say, well, defiant. i stared a while and decided, well, maybe i should see what he has to say. i read the message. i smiled at it, it was sweet, but that feeling lasted as long as lightning appears in the sky. i questioned him, i questioned people. i didnt know if it came from him, or if someone told him to say that. i was thinking, "why should i care? these 2 days have been hell"

closed the message without replying, threw my phone on my bed and went to take a shower. showering would give me time to think. i was thinking of all the good reasons why i should be angry and ignore him. thoughts that crossed my mind were thoughts like, "if its a game you're playing with me, i'll give you a game" but when i read the message again, i realised i couldnt. the 2 days have been hell, not because we didnt talk. it was plainly because i knew he wouldnt listen to my explanations. i was angry cause i didnt even know what i did wrong.

i did reply that message in the end, not with hostility though. i felt better after that, and i knew that it was alright. sat in mass with lizzi, iggy and stephY. mrs alex was sitting behind us with her husband all the time, i didnt even know, only realised when i turned during the sign of peace, and got a shock. so after mass, i didnt follow my parents out to parkway, stayed in church with lizzi.

well, we were SUPPOSED to go eat breakfast, walk to lizzi's house, let her collect her books and then go to my house to finish our homework and study. but, well, it didnt really work out. we went down and waited around cause i wanted to talk to someone, but i never got him alone so, we didnt talk. at least not much.

took bus to the begonia bus stop with iggy, lizzi and peter. walked to her house to get the books, only realising that she didnt want to study anymore after i walked to her house. i dont know what got over me there. i was annoyed at her for making me walk all the way to her house and then telling me that she didnt want to study anymore. i was looking forward to that, i needed someone motivating me to study, but yeah.

i was really over-reacting. you cant imagine how i felt, i felt pissed, annoyed, hurt, i dont know, she offered to walk me home, but i was so annoyed, "you dont need to walk me home" were the last words i said before walking off. looking back, i was such a kid, i didnt even let peter walk me home, i just wanted to be alone. i was walking home alone, blasting music through my earphones, just hoping that i could forget what happened. no use.

when i reached home, just when i thought my day could not get any worst, i unlocked the door, the alarm was beeping, so i thought it was switched on, i walked to the back to switch it off. but then when i opened the sliding door, the alarm went off. "okay great" i thought, then i went to switch it off, but the buttons were not working, the alarm went off, the really loud one, and all my neighbours could hear it. i ran upstairs to switch it off cause i thought maybe it was just the one downstairs that was spoilt.

zilch. nothing worked. the alarm was still as loud as ever. i phoned my dad, he didnt pick up till the 7th/8th ring and i was getting desperate. when he finally answered, i tried switching the alarm off again, and it worked, so i told my dad what happened and said it was okay already. he didnt understand me, but i wasnt in the mood for explaining things, so i just said, "EVERYTHING'S OKAY NOW, OKAY? BYE."

i was so tired, i didnt know why things were happening one after another all in one day. i felt like crying, and i did. not for long though, i didnt understand why God would do that to me, but he did. i walked upstairs, and i wanted to use my laptop, but, there was no electricity. i dont know how, but the power tripped, and after trying everywhere else, i realised, the power trip was ONLY in my room. why? i really dont know.

then, cooked my lunch and did some of my math and finished my physics. that has been my day, so far. i dont know what else would happen to me today. everything happens for a reason, so i wonder what the reason for all this happening to me is. dont you? maybe you think i'm exaggerating about this day being bad, but to me it is. maybe i was just too lucky for 15 years. i just knew it was too good to be true.

TENNIS NOW. finally. i think its been a month since i played. oh no. i hope i didnt lose everything. okay people, ciao. i feel much better after saying everything, though i really need you to listen to me. i wanna talk to you :)

bad day;

2008-03-29T21:34:00.002+08:00

i'm sick, feeling like shit, got things that have been bugging me the whole day, got tons of homework, whats your take on my day?

okay, in the morning, i woke up at like, what, 7.30am. stupid body clock, but i fell asleep again anyway, the first feeling i had in the morning was like, shit. i had been feeling not so well since last night. (thanks for passing me the flu jessica) but its not just because of the flu and all. whatever alright? its just not my day, seriously.

anyway, woke up finally at 9, followed my mom for a facial, then went to cut my hair. met lizzi and jaime at AMK station and we went to the st. nicks carnival together. i already had the flu, so i wasnt feeling well, everything seemed like shit to me, sorry. i hated the whole day altogether. besides, when it was hot, the heat was unbearable, but then, it rained. yeah. at the carnival, brilliant, just brilliant.

met nicholas and went to cat class together, we took at cab, and we had seperated class this week, and the we are going to next week as well (aww, lizzi). anyway, cat class was okay, its not that bad being alone i guess, i made new friends, AND i can think more about God without the noisy chatter, better. (not that i mind being with my friends, but you know what i mean)

went home after cat class still feeling the same, shitty. i know whatever happens, happens for a reason, and i know God doesnt give me more than i can handle,but i really hope he didnt think i was so capable, cause i'm just about to dissapoint him.

my mom just told me she wants to talk to me, great. yeah. its SO going to make my day, seriously. she's going to tell me how distracted i am now, thanks god, i really needed that. all i ever prayed for was to be happy, just happy, i didnt need anything. just happiness, please, thats all i'm going to ask you for, alright?

live with my music,

2008-03-28T23:26:00.003+08:00

OH, tell you something, i wanted to comment on a blog on livejournal, and cause i didnt have a livejournal account, i couldnt post, cause the person disabled anonymous, so, i got to the error page, and this is what it said:

-You can't post anonymously in this person's journal.
-Please confirm you are a human below.

HAHA. please confirm you are a human. gosh. but anyway, today was an okay day i guess, had to stay back for GM, and i'm doing the movie under the stars thing. oh, its gonna be FUN. all you IJ girls better come. i think it is open to the public too, but more for the IJ girls in our school. come all you people! its gonna rock! and its gonna be the COUNCIL's gift to all of you, from the COUNCIL, not the teachers. haha.

okay, came to church, did some physics and went for mass. later on we (lizzi, lissa, mars and I) went to ST to eat and just talk. i miss this, all the talking together and spending time with them, i really miss this. friends are the best, they make my day all the better. and hey, i realised that you need these kind of friends to live life.

one thing i've got to say, i realised no one is perfect. ("took long enough!" you've got to be thinking), but seriously, whenever people tell me no one's perfect, i just hear it, but it never does sink in. cause lately i've been going for mass, been reflecting alot, no one's perfect, the one reason i've got close friends is cause i've learnt to embrace their flaws and live with it. now if you ask me for my hobby, its probably, sitting around, spending time with my friends.

i need some time off. you told me i changed, i'm asking you why, you're not giving me an answer, i want to know as much as you want me to change. it wont be silly to me, course not, why would it be? i need you to tell me, cause i want to change, i wont laugh, it wont be a freaking joke. this is serious. tell me please? cause i dont wanna lose you.

unos, duos, tres, ITALIA!

2008-03-23T21:57:00.002+08:00

yess, hello. i'm back from italy :)) i dont know what to say and where to start, i loved italy. OH. especially the gorgeous painting like sceenery and hot guys. *gasp* i bet you're jealous of me now huh! the guys there are so awsome! but anyway, the motive wasnt to go look at guys in italy, but you cant blame us, they're gorgeous! but okay, back on topic, yes, the school choir went to italy to sing. and we came back with 2 golds.

wow, huh. first time in history and all, la la la. but thats not what made the trip "memoriable" seriously, when i thought we were going overseas to sing, i really thought it meant sing, but look, with going overseas, there were TONS of problems. i wont blog about it, its nothing to be proud of, as IJ girls, i'm so ashamed with the behavior. look, we're not blind, we can tell you're trying to do something, so please, just stop it, you're a disgrace.

but anyway, enough about that, if you want to know more you can ask me. i'm not depressed or anything, i'm fine. but i just cant stand the fact- okay, you know what, forget it. i'm back in singapore, not really happy cause i've got to go back to school, but happy to be safe :)