I've decided not to study so early on a saturday morning, cause i just watched 90210, thats my break i guess, from the books and all. Now, due to mars' request, i shall post something about my life, and not those essays anymore, because blogs, as she says are for people to read and relax and not for people to go learn English all over. Fine, point taken.

O's are really nearing, and i guess for me I dont know if how much effort i'm putting in is enough or if i should really put in more. Sometimes I think that i'm not studying hard enough, and I constantly feel that I have to push myself to study harder, and I dont think its because I'm not studying hard enough, its because everyone is studying hard and my definition of studying hard has to change, because now, its pretty much the norm for most.

I dont know why, but the more people tell me that I can go to CJ and its really O.K. because CJ isnt that bad, the more i'm put off by it. Its almost like you're insinuating that i'm not smart, not bright, not good enough for another JC other than CJ. I'm not saying that CJ is a bad JC, and people tell you "CJ is like another IJ" but others have also told me that its nothing like IJ, and frankly, I dont want to end up there because I cant go anywhere else. If I decide to go to CJ, it will be because I chose to, and not because its a last resort. I have this feeling, that majority of my class dont want to go to CJ, but they are O.K. with ending up there, the thing is, they dont want to go there.

I dont know, maybe I just dont want to go to CJ because I want to prove something, that I'm smart enough to make it elsewhere. The only time going to CJ crossed my mind from the time I set my heart on VJ was when she told me she might want to go to CJ as well. It sort of got me thinking, that I might go to CJ if I had friends there, but I havent decided yet. Yes, I know, VJ. People have told me that I'll never make it in there, and deep down I know I wont make it there, even if I do get 6 points, because the cut off point is 3, and the least I can get is 4. Kinda sad huh, so I shall say with resignation, that CJ shall most probably be my school for the next 2 years.

Oh, and I know i'm bitter when i say this, but I really get annoyed when people who dont study score, honestly I think you dont deserve it a single bit. I know, I know, life isnt fair, but i'm just bitter y'know? I pray that God'll take this feeling away, I dont want to feel bitter the last time I see her, even if she cant be considered my friend, I'll call her an acquaintance.