its coming, back that aching, sickening feeling. the one that i've been trying to run away since forever, and i dont know why. I'm using the things that happen around me as an excuse for this feeling coming back, but i keep telling myself that its a fact and its okay that this feeling comes back. I dont know, maybe i am using the things around me as excuses far too often.

do you feel it too, i sort of sensed it sometimes, i dont know if i'm right. but it'd be nice to know someone felt the same way as i do. its the same feeling that i had at feast day, its coming back. its not like i want it to, but it kills me. okay no wait, whats worst is, it doesnt kill me inside anymore, it doesnt make me want to cry cause i'm hurting, the worst of all is, i dont feel like i dont want it here, now, i absolutely do not care what this is bringing me into, what this'll do to me. I just feel it, and i like it. I dont know how to stop, i want to want to stop, but i dont. at least, not now.