just looking through people's blog, and everyone seems to be talking about feast day, how awesome it was. oh well *shrug* that totally doesnt apply to me. but whatever. anyhow, this week has been okay i guess, and i went to school today, mr chan was being absolutely funny, but like, school really was a waste of time, except for physics that is. Mr chan was kinda pms-ing when he came into class, but it subsided awhile. Then like, had many many free periods, which i tried to use to study SS, but yeah, my thoughts kinda drifted...

but i came back down to earth, besides, i should stop thinking about it. please dont ask me what "it" is cause i'd much rather forget about it than repeat the whole thing to anyone anymore. i've been praying, i asked God what he wants of me, what i should do for him today, and suddenly it struck me that maybe what God wants me to do today was to let go, maybe he wants me to be the one who takes the initiative, i know, i always ask "why me?" but now, i'm gonna ask, "why not?" Father said today during mass that maybe sometimes we get rejected, like, by your parents, by your teachers, by your friends, but he said hey, let them reject you, just like jesus did, he let the world reject him, never imposes himself on anyone. I know its hard, but i'm gonna have to give it a try.

here's the truth, i want to know it. I wanted to know it since she told me about it, but you didnt tell me, and the only reason i'm denying that i want to know it is cause i'm hurt, and i dont think anything can change that. Knowing it now, just hurts me even more, so i dont wanna know it, because if it was really important, if i needed to know, you would have told me ages ago, but you didnt. i choose to forget this, and maybe all i ever wanted was to feel wanted, was to feel like i'm needed. But it doesnt matter, its all in the past, i'm just wondering whats gonna happen in the future.

but hey, maybe i'm jealous or something, and thats all, okay. thats all. there IS no better or worse between you, there isnt. its not like i prefer anyone over anyone. my gosh, i just dont wanna talk about it kay? I just dont wanna.

EXAMS! lets all study :D at least, i know studying keeps things off my mind!