okay okay. before i start anything, i should give you a definition. or whatever you call it. since i'm a good girl, i shant use F***, but i need something to replace it. so, i've decided on the word sushi. yeap. F*** = sushi

anyway, i dont know why. i have no motivation to study whatsoever. i just cant do anything. i was like, staring into space just now, not even thinking about anything. i was like, stoning. and i cant study. i cant even do anything properly. i dont know why. urgh. i need to focus. especially since exams are like, in 2 weeks. oh no.

anyway, dont know what the sushi is wrong with me. nowadays, i'm so moody so fast. oh yes, and i do agree with lizzi. everyone's changing in sec3. i dont know if its just me, but loads of people seem more annoying/irritating. it sushi-ing pisses me off ok. i'm trying. i'm trying to control my temper, maybe keep it in, so that i wont seem unreasonable. but no, it comes to a point where i cant take it anymore.

maybe you're right lissa. maybe i've developed a phobia of ______. because of that one incident. things happen for a reason, and actually im glad that happened. i really know what kind of a person you are now. who am i kidding. i'll never tell you anything ever again. and to think i trusted you. okay, so i'm supposed to be nice to everyone, but that just isnt possible. i cant do it. i'm human too, and there are just somethings that i cant stand.

shit. i'm not changing am i? i dont want to. okay, maybe i want to grow up and be a better person, but i dont wanna change for the worst. things are happening so rapidly around me. it feels like shutters, open. close. open. close. its that fast. its like lightning. its like, that. feels like a magic trick. makes you feel good, sure. wow, its magic. one minute its here, the next its gone. but you know its never gone, just the stupid magician you gawk at, playing tricks on your eyes.

MAGIC. i've always wanted to be able to do magic. i've always wanted such things as magic to be actually real. i dont know. maybe it seems really dumb. but hey, i think magic is cool and i guess, it gives me the idea that i'm in more control over my life? okay. right, this is utter rubbish so you dont need to listen to me if you dont want to. its nothing important. i just need to write something out.

OH. yes. there's something else that i like doing now. i like writting letters. i dont know why either. maybe i feel the need to explain part of my life to the people i owe explanations to. but of course, i need to find a reason to write a letter lah. unless you like writting letters for fun, which was what i did in sec1. and i loved recieving letters. just this sudden craving for writing. AND i suddenly like chem. maybe its cause i actually understand redox. makes me feel good.

okay, maybe i should go attempt physics now. i'm an absolute failure. i only managed the first chapter yesterday, which is ONLY on measurements. i'm not even into anything difficult yet. oh no, i'm dead. okay, i better go. i'm just delaying my study time.

CIAO PEOPLE.
and stay happy. (sorry i'm such a hypocrite)