i was just you know, reflecting on the day, i KNOW i'm supposed to be studying. i mean, seriously i know how much i need to do my studying and revising. but, i just dont have heart to study and all. okay, well i technically wasnt reflecting. reflecting makes it sound so serious. um, yeah i was thinking and all. random thoughts about the day. first of all, today isnt the kind of day i'd say was good. not really at all.

had an Emath test. guess what? i think i might just set a record. most number of failures for Emath. its NOT EVEN AMATH. and look at me, i'm failing. i just keep failing. keep forgetting what i need to remember. keep losing the understanding i USE to have about maths. its going, slowly, going, going. i feel like a sushi-ing failure ok. yeah, all of you will be like, "i've been through failure too, its not that bad, just pick yourself up" RIGHT? well, thats you. maybe i dont seem lik the kind of person, but i really DO care about my grades ok. maybe i appear like i dont care. but i do.

if i appeared like i cared all the time, my life'd be so miserable. i probably wouldnt be able to see half the time. cause the tears would be flooding my eyes. yeah. i know what you're thinking. "over such a small thing like grades, and you'd cry? what a loser" you know what? i sushi care ok. i dont care what you think. you can just stop reading my blog and sushi-ing go away. i DONT need your sympathy. no one knows how i feel.

i really dont think anyone really knows who i really am. yeah, i do tell my close friends stuff, but not about this. its so, trivial to talk about. urgh. i felt like such a, failure after the stupid test. and to think that the Emath exams are like, in a week or so. great stuff. you know what, i dont WANT to care. i cant sushi-ing remember ANY of the formulas. why? i dont know. maybe you should enlighten me. no, wait. you dont know what i'm going through, so dont try to enlighten me ok?

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OH YOU KNOW. when i was bathing, i was thinking about love. i mean, like, what was my definition of love and stuff. but yeah, i couldnt come up with much. i still need to think about it more. cause, i dont think love is a feeling. i think its more of action? like, um, a sort of unspoken commitment you've made to someone. love is the little things that you do to make a person's life better i guess, if you're talking about love in general.

love is, asking every once in a while, to check if your friend is alright or not. if he/she is having any problems. love is, smiling, putting a brave front for your friends cause you know that they need your support more than you need theirs. love is, sacrifice. Love is eternal, just, at different degrees at different points. maybe you dont agree with me, but i think, that its cause you love your "enemies" so much, to care about them enough to hate them.

if you have never loved your enemies, how could you hate them? if that love was never there, how could there be hate? i dont know if i'm making any sense at all, but, i guess i am still young, and i've got alot to learn from life. so i cant say much about love now.

speaking of friends, after some thought,between having a best friend who's a guy and having a boyfriend, there's a rather thin line, dont you think? i dont know. if the definition of a best friend is a person who knows you better than you know yourself , it just means i dont have a best friend. dont get me wrong, i've got some pretty close friends, and i do tell them everything, but, somethings are, best left, um, untouched. if you get my drift.

you know, i keep reading chic flicks and envy those characters who are painted to have best friends who know them better than they know themselves. maybe its true that i dont let anyone close enough to know me better than i know myself. but some are pretty close. its just, some memories are best, left, just as they are, memories. after beating around the bush, i hope you get the message. if you dont, too bad.