today has got to be one of the worst days in my life, okay, maybe i'm exaggerating, but i really could have broken down, but, no, i'm strong. i cant break down for every little thing, thats just beyond stupid. but i'm really fine now, i wont say happy, but i'm still okay. lets analyse my day so far.

so i woke up, feeling like crap. i felt like i had a hangover or something. (not that i've ever had a hangover, but you know, i read) my throat was really painful, and i had the flu, STILL. yeah, i didnt feel too good but my mom woke me up, this was at about 7.50am thereabouts. so when i finally got out of bed, it was about 8? yeah.

THEN, i recieved a message. when i saw who it was from, a part of me was happy that he'd finally decided to talk to me again, but a part of me was angry, okay, i wouldnt say angry, i'd say, well, defiant. i stared a while and decided, well, maybe i should see what he has to say. i read the message. i smiled at it, it was sweet, but that feeling lasted as long as lightning appears in the sky. i questioned him, i questioned people. i didnt know if it came from him, or if someone told him to say that. i was thinking, "why should i care? these 2 days have been hell"

closed the message without replying, threw my phone on my bed and went to take a shower. showering would give me time to think. i was thinking of all the good reasons why i should be angry and ignore him. thoughts that crossed my mind were thoughts like, "if its a game you're playing with me, i'll give you a game" but when i read the message again, i realised i couldnt. the 2 days have been hell, not because we didnt talk. it was plainly because i knew he wouldnt listen to my explanations. i was angry cause i didnt even know what i did wrong.

i did reply that message in the end, not with hostility though. i felt better after that, and i knew that it was alright. sat in mass with lizzi, iggy and stephY. mrs alex was sitting behind us with her husband all the time, i didnt even know, only realised when i turned during the sign of peace, and got a shock. so after mass, i didnt follow my parents out to parkway, stayed in church with lizzi.

well, we were SUPPOSED to go eat breakfast, walk to lizzi's house, let her collect her books and then go to my house to finish our homework and study. but, well, it didnt really work out. we went down and waited around cause i wanted to talk to someone, but i never got him alone so, we didnt talk. at least not much.

took bus to the begonia bus stop with iggy, lizzi and peter. walked to her house to get the books, only realising that she didnt want to study anymore after i walked to her house. i dont know what got over me there. i was annoyed at her for making me walk all the way to her house and then telling me that she didnt want to study anymore. i was looking forward to that, i needed someone motivating me to study, but yeah.

i was really over-reacting. you cant imagine how i felt, i felt pissed, annoyed, hurt, i dont know, she offered to walk me home, but i was so annoyed, "you dont need to walk me home" were the last words i said before walking off. looking back, i was such a kid, i didnt even let peter walk me home, i just wanted to be alone. i was walking home alone, blasting music through my earphones, just hoping that i could forget what happened. no use.

when i reached home, just when i thought my day could not get any worst, i unlocked the door, the alarm was beeping, so i thought it was switched on, i walked to the back to switch it off. but then when i opened the sliding door, the alarm went off. "okay great" i thought, then i went to switch it off, but the buttons were not working, the alarm went off, the really loud one, and all my neighbours could hear it. i ran upstairs to switch it off cause i thought maybe it was just the one downstairs that was spoilt.

zilch. nothing worked. the alarm was still as loud as ever. i phoned my dad, he didnt pick up till the 7th/8th ring and i was getting desperate. when he finally answered, i tried switching the alarm off again, and it worked, so i told my dad what happened and said it was okay already. he didnt understand me, but i wasnt in the mood for explaining things, so i just said, "EVERYTHING'S OKAY NOW, OKAY? BYE."

i was so tired, i didnt know why things were happening one after another all in one day. i felt like crying, and i did. not for long though, i didnt understand why God would do that to me, but he did. i walked upstairs, and i wanted to use my laptop, but, there was no electricity. i dont know how, but the power tripped, and after trying everywhere else, i realised, the power trip was ONLY in my room. why? i really dont know.

then, cooked my lunch and did some of my math and finished my physics. that has been my day, so far. i dont know what else would happen to me today. everything happens for a reason, so i wonder what the reason for all this happening to me is. dont you? maybe you think i'm exaggerating about this day being bad, but to me it is. maybe i was just too lucky for 15 years. i just knew it was too good to be true.

TENNIS NOW. finally. i think its been a month since i played. oh no. i hope i didnt lose everything. okay people, ciao. i feel much better after saying everything, though i really need you to listen to me. i wanna talk to you :)