i dont know why i'm trying so hard. its really tiring. this feels like a long distance run, that never ends. i feel like i want to continue on, but i cant see the finish line and everyone around me is overtaking me. i'm slowing losing the will to carry on. i feel so tired. i just want to go into a deep sleep and never wake up.

i just want to stop the run right here, right now. and walk out of the track. then i wont need to even face losing. i can just collapse on the ground and fall into a deep sleep. then i dont need to see other people with more perseverance win the race.

but now that my mind is clear, i realise that i'm not ready for a race yet cause i dont know what i want to achieve from the race. so now that i know, i'll just finish this race, at least i'll know that i tried my best, even though i dont win anything, its the experience that counts.