she's back. yes, i'm back from new zealand. its paradise over there. i didnt want to leave, but yeah, i cant stay there. need to come back. got loads of things to do back here. tomorrow i'll be off again for camp till the 24th so yeah. i'm gonna be so tired by the 24th. but at least now i can rest for a bit. i'm now contemplating on if i should perform for the choir concert on the 30th. i dont think i should since i missed so many practises and they'll be so far ahead. steph told me they learnt a new chant too. and well, there's just so many things going on and as much as i do want to perform, i dont think i'll be ready to. besides, i'll only have ONE practise before the actual performance, so thats quite rushed to learn everything and perfect it. i guess i'll just have to give this concert a miss. its too rushed. cant help it. oh well, if i dont perform, that'll be one less thing to worry about.

anyway, while i was away in new zealand, i had lots of time to think about everything thats been going on and i sorted out my thoughts. i realised that if i dont think that i'm going to think about it, i wont. if just have fun, be myself, just move on with life, i'll forget that its ever happened. i'll forget what i said and i'll be happy. cause if i remembered what i said to you and why i felt this way, if i try to go and understand the laws of feelings,i'll just end up in a very tangled web. so i'll just pretend nothing's happened and move on with life. yeah thats it. i dont know if i'm being dumb worrying about this kinda stuff, but hey, to me it matters. i dont know why. but it just does. sometimes i just feel like crying for being so absolutely dumb. i need to get a life. cause this, this isnt called life. the thing i'm leading.

ok anyway. i'm back. happy to be back. to my normal life. i cant wait till i go back for CL. i miss them. the whole bunch of them and everyone else at church.