okay, i'm here to say sorry. no, not to you specifically, i mean yes its to you but i'll say sorry again another time. this is like a public apology so that people'll know that things will be settled, i'm sorry if the things that i've said about you werent all true. Like that the BBQs that you've been to werent "not compulsory" well, they werent, but okay i totally neglected the fact that you had a duty/position to uphold and i'm sorry. and i'm sorry it feels like i'm making life difficult for you, i'm really sorry, i'm sorry for overlooking the fact that we all dont have the same passion for CL, and i'm sorry for assuming you did.
and you know what, i dont know why i'm always finding fault with you, i really dont know why. colin pointed out that it might be because i expect alot from people, especially from you. I've always seen you as a really great person, as in like wow, cause you're good at studies, sports, and you've got leadership and fun to be with and all. And so i took that you had the same great passion that you had for CL in the past, but i guess things change especially since you've gone to VJ and all. so i'm sorry for assuming all of that, we all have different things that matter more than others. I think its cause i love CL so much i expect people to be the same, i'm sorry, i know i cant just expect people to have the same passion i do for CL.
and you know, i'm gonna be frank now. i was complaining to colin last night about how i was annoyed cause you didnt book the room and you havent been booking it for the past 6 months or so. but okay, i dont know for sure you didnt book it in the beginning of the year, but the bulk of the time you havent been booking it right? so i was annoyed. I was even more annoyed that you didnt say sorry or sound sorry or if you did say sorry, i'm sorry i must have missed it. but yeah. No, its not your fault, colin's right, we got to take this as a whole exco, and its our duty. So we stand together as one exco :)
i'm sorry for being such a hard to deal with friend. I read your blogpost, and it kinda gave me some wake up call. before that, when colin/rachel asked me if i wanted to lose you as a friend of course i'd tell them no, but deep down i didnt really care. but now, i realise that we shouldnt not be good friends because of this stupid thing. I'm sorry kay? I hope you can not be angry/annoyed with me :)
Friday, June 19, 2009 10:09 PM
do you feel it too.
its coming, back that aching, sickening feeling. the one that i've been trying to run away since forever, and i dont know why. I'm using the things that happen around me as an excuse for this feeling coming back, but i keep telling myself that its a fact and its okay that this feeling comes back. I dont know, maybe i am using the things around me as excuses far too often.
do you feel it too, i sort of sensed it sometimes, i dont know if i'm right. but it'd be nice to know someone felt the same way as i do. its the same feeling that i had at feast day, its coming back. its not like i want it to, but it kills me. okay no wait, whats worst is, it doesnt kill me inside anymore, it doesnt make me want to cry cause i'm hurting, the worst of all is, i dont feel like i dont want it here, now, i absolutely do not care what this is bringing me into, what this'll do to me. I just feel it, and i like it. I dont know how to stop, i want to want to stop, but i dont. at least, not now....
do you feel it too, i sort of sensed it sometimes, i dont know if i'm right. but it'd be nice to know someone felt the same way as i do. its the same feeling that i had at feast day, its coming back. its not like i want it to, but it kills me. okay no wait, whats worst is, it doesnt kill me inside anymore, it doesnt make me want to cry cause i'm hurting, the worst of all is, i dont feel like i dont want it here, now, i absolutely do not care what this is bringing me into, what this'll do to me. I just feel it, and i like it. I dont know how to stop, i want to want to stop, but i dont. at least, not now.
Monday, May 25, 2009 6:40 PM
when it hurts.
heya all you people, its been sometime since i last blogged hasnt it? yeah, well the results i got back werent very good, honestly. I was kinda disappointed and all, but i guess i cant do much about it other than work even harder towards prelims/O'levels. So yes. You'll be seeing very little of me online(i hope) and going out and all that.
The hols are coming, i'm going to step down from being a student conductor and handing it over to someone, no matter who that person is, whom i think is alot more capable than me, and who can lead the choir very well. Actually i dont think i've been a good student conductor at all, but i guess whats past is past and all i can do is move on with life. The june hols also means, CL CAMP! OHHHHH, i cant wait! Seriously. I hope it'll be fun! and that people from CL will learn something from the sessions & spirituals that the exco has done for them:D Oh man, the june hols also means, chinese O's. 1st june actually, which is effectively uh, 7 days from today! I know all you people, yes, its a week from now. NEXT MONDAY DUDES! for all you people who think you have alot of time, THINK AGAIN! haha, anyway.
kay, so today i went for Peter's grandfathers' funeral and omg, lizzi and i were late cause when we were on the 72 bus, the driver drove SO SLOWLY and i kept complaining, which annoyed lizzi. HAHA, sorry! but like seriously la, the bus was so slow that we were late! for the funeral mass! yeah, and so we went in late, and after the mass ended, went home. Oh yeah, and i went for the wake on sunday, & i realise i dont know what to do at wakes, i dont know how to phrase i'm sorry. which is bad. do i say like my deepest condolences or something? i dont know, i felt so, inadequate there cause i didnt know what to do, but yeah.
SO, now i shall go bathe, watch 90210, perhaps study a little maybe? I dont know, see what suits my mood!...
The hols are coming, i'm going to step down from being a student conductor and handing it over to someone, no matter who that person is, whom i think is alot more capable than me, and who can lead the choir very well. Actually i dont think i've been a good student conductor at all, but i guess whats past is past and all i can do is move on with life. The june hols also means, CL CAMP! OHHHHH, i cant wait! Seriously. I hope it'll be fun! and that people from CL will learn something from the sessions & spirituals that the exco has done for them:D Oh man, the june hols also means, chinese O's. 1st june actually, which is effectively uh, 7 days from today! I know all you people, yes, its a week from now. NEXT MONDAY DUDES! for all you people who think you have alot of time, THINK AGAIN! haha, anyway.
kay, so today i went for Peter's grandfathers' funeral and omg, lizzi and i were late cause when we were on the 72 bus, the driver drove SO SLOWLY and i kept complaining, which annoyed lizzi. HAHA, sorry! but like seriously la, the bus was so slow that we were late! for the funeral mass! yeah, and so we went in late, and after the mass ended, went home. Oh yeah, and i went for the wake on sunday, & i realise i dont know what to do at wakes, i dont know how to phrase i'm sorry. which is bad. do i say like my deepest condolences or something? i dont know, i felt so, inadequate there cause i didnt know what to do, but yeah.
SO, now i shall go bathe, watch 90210, perhaps study a little maybe? I dont know, see what suits my mood!